Sat. Nov 17th, 2018

Ancestry DNA test shows that everyone is Native American

In an effort to prove that he feels the pain of his marginalized brothers and sisters, Clay Egbertson of Encino, California took an Ancestry DNA test.

The test showed that he, like Senator Elizabeth Warren may have had a non-white ancestor 10 generations back. With the exponential nature of ancestry, that means that 1023 of 1024 of Mr. Egbertson’s ancestors at that point in history were white as bread.

“Along with the lone Native American in Egberton’s heritage, he likely had several slave owners and a mass murderer,” said Dan Hix of the Genealogy Project.”This amount of DNA noise is actually well withing the probability of error, so he’s probably just a straight whitey like Warren.”

Senator Elizabeth Warren made headlines when she announced that she was 1/1024th Native American, justifying the minority status she claimed while teaching at Yale. The Wompinogo Tribe of Southern Kalachinkamika in Massachusetts has claimed Warren as their own, naming her Talks With Poo.

“If Senator Warren is a minority,” said the chalky-pale Egbertson, “then I’m a minority too!”