Sat. Nov 17th, 2018

Dems propose lighting Kavanaugh on fire ‘to see if he burns’

Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee used a little-known rule Wednesday to delay the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh several days: The witch-burning rule.

After a week of increasingly bitter debates over Mr. Kavanaugh’s temperament and credibility, leading Democrats turned to the rule as a way to finally settle all arguments.

“The real question is whether Kavanaugh is a witch, and how do we know if he’s a witch?” California Sen. Diane Feinstein pressed during the Thursday’s tense hearing.

Connecticut Sen. Richard Blumenthal said, “He turned me into a newt.” But even the Democrats seemed dubious about Blumenthal’s claim because there were some slight differences between the senator and a newt.

That’s when Feinstein brought up the witch-burning rule.

“Well, what do we do with witches?” she followed, upon which her fellow Democrats yelled, “We burn them!”

“Why do witches burn?” Feinstein asked.

After a dramatic pause, New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker said, “Because they’re made of wood.”

“And how do we know if he’s made of wood?” Feinstein continued.

“We burn ‘im!” the Democratic mob yelled.

“We could build a bridge out of him,” Delaware Sen. Chris Coons offered as an alternative, but, by that point, the Democrats had already lifted Mr. Kavanaugh bodily out of his chair and proceeded to a nearby pyre.

California Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi added that it’s basic procedure. “We have to light him on fire to see if he burns. Otherwise, we won’t know if he’s a witch,” she said. Pelosi then released an eerie cackle before shaking a broomstick at the press core.

Kavanaugh has consistently denied being a witch. When asked why he looked like a witch, he said, “They dressed me up like this.”