Mon. Dec 17th, 2018

Ocasio-Cortez DNA results show she’s 1/1024th Muppet

While no one has doubted congresswoman elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s minority status, there has been plenty of doubt about her heritage and a recent DNA test has made it clear. Ocasio-Cortez is 1/1024th Muppet.

“I all makes sense now,” a political pundit familiar with the story said. “After making claims like there are ‘three chambers of Congress’ and ‘capitalism won’t always exist in the world,’ the Muppet connection is really obvious.”

Many people have blame Ocasio-Cortez’s ignorance on her youth as she’s the youngest person ever to be elected to Congress but others contest the age claim.

“My 5-year-old child has a better grasp on economics and civic structure than Ocasio-Cortez. She can’t blame her utter ineptitude on age,” constituent Roger Rogerstein said.

“I mean if you’re a socialist in this day and age after seeing the history of the failed political movement time and time again—not to mention the horrifying death toll—you have to be a mental Muppet.”

Unlike other hominid genes, Muppet DNA results in a thinning of the cerebral matter with a type of organic fuzz common in most Muppets. This inevitably lowers the IQ—specifically related to economics and politics—dramatically.

The Muppet caucus in the Senate, chaired by Bernie Sanders, is considering opening up membership to the House so that Ocasio-Cortez could join.