Bernie Sanders praises Venezuela for having fewer than 23 choices of underarm deodorant

Self-proclaimed democratic socialist and Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has argued that, “You don’t necessarily need a choice of 23 underarm spray deodorants or of 18 different pairs of sneakers when children are hungry in this country.”

He has since praised the democratic socialist economy of Venezuela for restricting the choice of deodorant and sneakers.

“Venezuela has it right!” he said after visiting the starving country. “They’ve limited the number of deodorant and sneaker choices the people have, so any time now, they’re going to be all well-fed and prosperous again.”

The crux of the argument is that capitalism shifts resources away from the important things like food and healthcare into ridiculous endeavors like preventing body odor and athletics.

“At least some countries understand priorities,” Sanders said. “Eventually, we in the United States will catch up to the 21st century where there are fewer choices for stuff and no one is hungry.”

When he was informed that people in Venezuela are eating their pets to have enough to eat, he reassured us that that was temporary. “Socialism will work eventually. Just give it a few more tries.”