BREAKING: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles; possible hostage situation
CENTURY CITY, CA—The Los Angeles Police Department, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD...
Christmas
New ‘Santifa’ cards include explosives instead of glitter
Looking for a clever way to celebrate the holidays in 2021? Look no further! The new Santifa cards come with...
Fauci cancels Christmas so he won’t have to go back to North Pole to make toys
WASHINGTON, DC—Chief medical adviser to US President* Joe Biden, diminutive Dr. Anthony Fauci has decided to cancel Christmas this year...
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All...
BREAKING: Biden to replace Christmas with 12 variants of Coronamas
WASHINGTON, DC—Due to the rise of gas prices, an increase in inflation, and overall economic failure, the the Biden administration...
Michigan’s White Witch cancels Christmas, launches the 100-year quarantine
EAST LANSING, MI—Michigan's White Witch Gretchen Whitmer has officially launched the 100-year quarantine, emulating Los Angeles's 100-year quarantine and by...
Pro-social distancing protest expected to attract 10,000+
Happening Near You- An anti-Christmas gathering protest is scheduled to happen near you. The protest will take place on Main...
Merry Refugeemas! Saint Negligence promises a fake asylum seeker for every supporter of amnesty!
The Christmas Holiday is well known despite the efforts of Secular legal precedence set forth in the 1960s, but a...
STUDY: Time travels 3.4 times faster using a chocolate Advent calendar
Albert Einstein would have appreciated this news. A new study released in the Annals of Physics has shown that time...
Local child miraculously has only broken 18 bones after three days on hoverboard
A local 8-year-old girl, Felicity, is experiencing a Christmas miracle not breaking every bone in her body after three days...
