BREAKING: Biden sends $40B in military aid to Twitter execs following Elon Musk annexation
SILICON VALLEY, CA—US President* Joe Biden has sent over $40 billion in military aid and weapons to Twitter executives following...
military
Biden playing Risk nonstop in Oval Office to prepare for Ukraine conflict
WASHINGTON, DC—Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Mark Milley set up a game of Risk in the Oval Office, to help...
BREAKING: Biden sends $80B in weapons to Ukraine to leave behind for Russia when we withdraw
WASHINGTON, DC--Following his stellar exit strategy that worked flawlessly in Afghanistan, President* Biden is sending over $80 billion in military-grade...
Biden deploys 2 AT-ATs to defend White House against ‘rebel scum’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has deployed two All Terrain Armored Transport (AT-AT) vehicles to the White House to defend against "rebel...
DoD quietly adds new DEFCON levels for Biden food cravings, poopy pants
WASHINGTON, DC—The Office of the Joint Chiefs of Staff has notified media outlets that the Department of Defense has added...
BREAKING: Biden to replace unvaxxed soldiers with army of Rachel Levine clones
WASHINGTON, DC—Facing pressure from an increasingly hostile and militaristic China, President* Biden has approved a program to replace all military...
BREAKING: Biden gives Taliban weapons, tanks, drones ‘so it’ll be a fair fight next time’
WASHINGTON, DC—According to reports the Taliban seized US weapons, munitions and military equipment such as armored tanks and military vehicles....
Biden launches the US Gay Force to enforce pronouns
WASHINGTON, DC—In response to former President Trump's Space Force and just in time for Pride Month, President* Biden has launched...
Biden awards AOC the Purple Heart for her bravery in the War of January 6th
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden awarded Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) the prestigious Purple Heart medal for her military valor in the War...
BREAKING: US military to accept people who identify as good soldiers but are biologically no-skill fat slobs
WASHINGTON, DC—In a brave path forward under the Biden administration, the Pentagon is set to eliminate all discrimination in the...
