BREAKING: Redacted FBI warrant for Mar-a-Lago raid just says ‘Orange Man Bad’
WASHINGTON, DC—The Justice Department released a sealed version of its proposed redactions to the FBI affidavit used to get a...
Stolen by Babylon Bee
Chris Rock to have sex with Will Smith’s wife instead of make fun of her so that Smith won’t hit him again
HOLLYWOOD—Chris Rock will have sex with Will Smith's wife Jada Pinkett-Smith instead of make fun of her again so that...
BREAKING: Biden sending army of ‘terrifying’ Rachel Levine clones to defend Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—NATO allies are putting forces on standby and sending additional ships and fighter jets to eastern Europe and President*...
Biden admin to require proof of vaccination to receive free crack
WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden administration has made it clear that proof of full vaccination will be required to receive the administration's...
Biden HHS giving out free COVID masks with holes for easier crack smoking
WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden Health and Human Services Department is giving away free face masks with holes cut out in a...
President Biden promises to solve all the problems caused by whoever is president
WASHINGTON, D.C.-- President Joe Biden promised to solve all the problems caused by whoever's president, marking the first year of...
Biden changes name to Emperor Palbiden, establishes Galactic Empire
WASHINGTON, DC—In a rare press conference, President* Biden said that he has officially changed his name to Emperor Palbiden and...
Gov. Newsom named U-Haul’s #1 salesman of 2021
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom is racking up the awards. For the first time this year, Newsom has been named U-Haul’s number...
BREAKING: Hillary Clinton ‘seriously thinking about’ losing again in 2024
Hillary Clinton said that she was, “seriously thinking about,” losing the presidency again in 2024. After a fall in the polls...
Portland offers free hits of crack with proof of COVID vaccination
PORTLAND, OR—Residents of Portland are lining up to receive their free hits of crack rock—a little extra incentive for receiving...
