PHOENIX — The WNBA has reset all player salaries to $0 following a unified protest during warm-ups at the WNBA All-Star Game, where every player donned T-shirts reading “Pay Us What You Owe Us.” The league, never one to shy away from decisive action, cited the coordinated fashion statement as a “clear invitation to reassess our financial obligations.”

Commissioner Cathy Engelbert, speaking from a luxury suite overlooking the All-Star festivities, issued a statement dripping with corporate serenity. “The players made a powerful statement during the All-Star Game warm-ups,” she said. “We’ve listened and determined that what we owe them for playing a sport that most middle-aged men can play better, is precisely $0.00. This bold reset ensures we’re all on the same page—literally.”

“Only one player makes us any money—Caitlin Clark. But if you divide the money she brings in over all the players, it still doesn’t cover operating costs by a long stretch,” Engelbert said.

The T-shirt protest, intended to spotlight pay disparities with the NBA, was a striking visual as all 24 All-Stars took the court in matching apparel. League officials, however, interpreted the message as a request for a clean financial slate. Sources say the decision was finalized during a brief board meeting held courtside, with executives allegedly distracted by a halftime nacho delivery.

“It’s basic logic,” an anonymous league spokesperson explained. “They said ‘pay us what you owe us,’ and we’ve clarified that’s nothing. We’re saving them the hassle of direct deposit fees.”

Players were caught off guard by the announcement. All-Star MVP A’ja Wilson, seen clutching her T-shirt post-game, muttered, “This is not the flex we were going for.” Social media exploded with reactions, including a viral meme of a WNBA paycheck stub listing “Exposure” as the only line item.

In place of salaries, the league unveiled a “motivational compensation package” featuring unlimited post-game Gatorade and priority parking at select arenas. “This is about intangible value,” Engelbert insisted. “The All-Star stage showed their unity; now we’re unifying their pay at a sustainable zero.”

The WNBA Players Association is reportedly mobilizing, though their budget for coffee at strategy sessions is now nonexistent. NBA stars offered tepid support, with one anonymously suggesting a GoFundMe for “bus fare to away games.”

In a final flourish, the league launched a merchandise push, selling replica “Pay Us What You Owe Us” T-shirts for $59.99, exclusively during All-Star weekend. Proceeds, per the fine print, will fund “league initiatives.” Fans are advised to act quickly, as the shirts are non-refundable and, apparently,

About Author