Alarming 35% of migrants come out as Trans after spending one day in NYC public school

NEW YORK—In a startling turn of events that has left educators bewildered, a recent study has revealed that a whopping 35% of migrants who spend just one day in New York City public schools emerge with a newfound gender identity—specifically, as transgender individuals.

The groundbreaking research, conducted by the Department of Imaginary Statistics, suggests a direct correlation between attending NYC public schools and experiencing a spontaneous gender metamorphosis. Critics argue that this phenomenon might be the result of the city’s unique blend of education and enchanted subway fumes.

“It’s truly magical,” exclaimed Dr. Ima Jination, the lead researcher. “Our data indicates that exposure to New York City’s public school environment has a transmutation effect on migrants, unlocking their true gender identities like some sort of progressive Pandora’s Box.”

The study, aptly named “The Gender Alchemy Project,” involved observing a diverse group of migrants as they navigated the intricacies of the NYC public school system. Researchers were astounded to find that within 24 hours, a significant portion of participants declared themselves as transgender.

“I was just here to learn math and stuff, but then I walked into the school, and poof! Suddenly, I’m trans,” said one participant, still adjusting to their newfound identity like a character in a whimsical coming-of-age tale.

The NYC Department of Education released a statement expressing delight at the unexpected transformation occurring within its school walls. “Our schools have always been places of learning and self-discovery. If that means discovering your true gender identity after a single day, then so be it. We’re here for it,” the statement read.

Conservative critics argue that the study lacks scientific rigor and may be more akin to a fantastical fairy tale than a credible research endeavor. However, supporters claim that those who doubt the results simply lack the imaginative prowess to appreciate the enchanting aura of NYC public education.

As the debate over the study’s legitimacy rages on, one thing remains clear: in the mystical realm of New York City public schools, education isn’t just about acquiring knowledge; it’s about discovering your inner unicorn, or in this case, your true gender identity.


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