Girl Scouts Replace Entire Cookie Line With Halal Falafel Delight
NEW YORK — Girl Scouts of the United States of America announced Wednesday that every traditional cookie variety will be...
Religion
Girl Scouts Roll Out Merit Burkas
NEW YORK — Girl Scouts of the United States of America announced Tuesday two new badges intended to broaden participation...
Airports Installing Aztec Human Sacrifice Stations Beside Muslim Foot-Washing Facilities
DALLAS — Several major U.S. airports have begun installing dedicated Aztec human sacrifice stations adjacent to existing Muslim foot-washing facilities,...
Harry and Meghan Acquire New Wardrobe for Return to UK
MONTECITO — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have purchased an entirely new wardrobe in preparation for their anticipated return to...
Biblical Scholars Conclude Fourth Horsemen of the Apocalypse Was a Feminist
OXFORD — Leading biblical scholars have formally concluded that the black horse of the Apocalypse, traditionally identified as famine, was...
Rising Islamophobia May Force Muslim Entrepreneurs to Close Their Scam Daycares and Wineries
Washington, D.C. — Citing a sharp increase in so-called "Islamophobia," a coalition of Muslim business owners announced Tuesday that they...
Pope Leo will only meet with SSPX once they’re in formal schism like everyone else he meets
Vatican City — Citing long-standing papal policy, Pope Leo XIV has indicated he will only meet with leaders of the...
Zionists Perform “Give War a Chance” in Oval Office to Protest Iran Peace Deal
WASHINGTON — In a rare display of legislative-executive harmony, prominent Zionist figures Mark Levin, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), and Sen....
King Charles Appears to Forget Human Contact Lenses During Latest Address
LONDON — In what Palace officials described as a “minor wardrobe oversight,” King Charles III delivered a measured address on...
Mamdani Organizes NYC’s Inaugural Public Stoning of Rape Victim
NEW YORK — In a landmark step toward multicultural equity, Mayor Zohran Mamdani personally oversaw the city’s inaugural public stoning...
