BREAKING: BLM looking forward to some extended Black Friday looting following Daniel Penny acquittal
NEW YORK—In a move that has redefined the concept of "retail therapy," Black Lives Matter (BLM) organizers have announced plans...
Business
Starting in 2025, all refrigerators will have life-size replica of RFK Jr. judging your food choices
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented move to combat unhealthy eating and save the planet, a new federal mandate set...
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All...
Ocasio-Cortez vows to use only lowercase letters to fight capitalism
Capitalism has been way too successful at creating wealth across demographics for two centuries and democratic socialists like Rep. Alexandria...
AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the...
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me
When I first joined X (formerly Twitter), it was a safe haven for people like me—progressive, open-minded, and wholly committed...
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign
Jaguar has introduced a new car designed specifically to match its groundbreaking gay ad campaign: the Dildo-Mobile. During a press...
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies
NEW YORK—In a move that sent shockwaves through both tech and media industries, Elon Musk has announced his acquisition of...
Elon Musk needs to stop doing amazing things because it’s making us gender studies triple-doctorates feel worthless
As three esteemed gender studies triple-doctorates, we feel it is our duty to speak out against the incredible accomplishments of...
BREAKING: Trump considering replacing Federal Reserve with much more reliable Magic 8 Ball
President-elect Donald Trump has announced that he plans to replace the Federal Reserve with a far more reliable and trustworthy...
