Supreme Court Rules Babies Born in the Hospital are Automatically Licensed to Practice Medicine
Washington — In a landmark 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court held Tuesday that any child born within the confines of...
Science
BREAKING: Macron Bans Heatwaves from France
PARIS — In a decisive move to combat extreme weather, the French government under President Emmanuel Macron has issued a...
Trump Stocks Reflecting Pool with Man-Eating Piranhas to Deter Purple-Haired Vandals
WASHINGTON — Citing ongoing concerns over “repeated acts of unauthorized aquatic protesting,” the Trump administration announced Tuesday that it has...
Exclusive CNN Coverage: The Deadly Trump Algae Bloom
In an alarming development that experts are linking directly to former President Donald Trump's policies, rhetoric, and general existence, scientists...
Chicago Unveils Nation’s First Vertical Landfill as Obama Presidential Center Opens
CHICAGO — The Barack Obama Presidential Center opened to the public this week as the nation’s first fully operational vertical...
Sentenced to 35 Years in Jail? Ask Your Doctor About ‘Not Murdering People for No Good Reason’
As a physician with over 25 years in clinical practice, I see patients every day who are struggling with the...
Trump Confirms Reflecting Pool Filled With 100% Ethically-Sourced Liberal Tears
WASHINGTON — Former President Donald Trump confirmed Thursday that the National Mall’s Reflecting Pool is now filled entirely with liberal...
Fauci Admits Lab Creation of Coronavirus in Bats, ‘But Would Totes Never Do the Same with Rats’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Anthony Fauci announced Tuesday that, with the statute of limitations now expired on his prior testimony before...
BREAKING: Skydiver Who Forgot Parachute Dies from Hantavirus
SKY VALLEY, CO — Local authorities confirmed Tuesday that 34-year-old skydiver Derek Harlan plummeted 12,500 feet to his death after...
BREAKING: Hantavirus Kills Two in Meth Lab Explosion
BAKERSFIELD, CA — Health officials confirmed Wednesday that hantavirus was responsible for the deaths of two individuals following an apparent...
