Local man eaten by plant that grew from mysterious Chinese seeds
PROVO, UT—A local man, Harry S. Truman (no relation to the president), was eaten alive
Science
Fauci mandates masks for all bullets to prevent COVID-related gunshot wounds
The effort to stop yet another disease from our friends at The People’s Republic of
Fauci: ‘Face masks aren’t necessary if you put your hands like this’
WASHINGTON—Tippy top infectious disease expert and America’s doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci has released new guidelines
Cuomo: ‘Pizza is a substantive food unless you put pineapple on it’
NEW YORK—Governor Andrew Cuomo, in a lengthy explanation of possibly the most arbitrary government mandate
CDC admits to using Common Core math to add up new COVID cases
ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have admitted to using Common Core math
Newsom mandates leather face masks so Californians can literally lick boots while being bootlickers
SACRAMENTO—Gov. Gavin Newsom has issued a statewide order mandating that all Californians wear leather face
Bill Gates infuriated that they keep coming up with cheap cures to his coronavirus bioweapon
REDMOND, WA—Billionaire and Bond Supervillain Bill Gates is incresingly infuriated that doctors and health practitioners
Activists furious that people are driving on the murals they painted on the street where cars go
Black Lives Matter activists around the country are livid after it has become apparent that
500 lb. helmet made to keep all of Colin Kaepernick’s hair perfect during next NFL game
Astrophysicists have been tasked with creating a football helmet to keep Colin Kaepernick‘s hair perfect
97% of experts say burning all American cities to the ground is the best way to fight climate change
Climate change arsonism is “catching fire” among youth and college students