Around the World

BREAKING: Americans plead Putin not to nuke Washington DC until Congress is back in session

WASHINGTON, DC—As world superpowers hurtle toward nuclear war, a Pew Pew Institute poll shows that Americans would prefer that Russian President Vladimir Putin not nuke...

BREAKING: Biden caught reading ‘Global Thermonuclear War for Dummies’ on break

WASHINGTON, DC—US President* Joe Biden was caught reading "Global Thermonuclear War for Dummies" after returning from a European trip aimed at increasing tensions with Russia....

BREAKING: Biden annexes Ukraine as 51st state of the Union in order to expedite WWIII

WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented move, President* Joe Biden has unilaterally annexed Ukraine and made it the 51st state of the United States in order to...

BREAKING: Biden promises to help those hit by Hurricane Ian by giving $13 billion more to Ukraine

WASHINGTON, DC—After Historic Hurricane Ian devastated the West coast of Florida, President* Joe Biden said that he will do everything in his power to help...

BREAKING: Nord Stream pipeline has information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton

BERLIN—The Nord Steam pipeline, widely known to have colluded with Russia, has reportedly overhead important information that certainly will lead to the arrest to the...

Business News

AOC: ‘If the recession is so bad why are all my friends in DC getting so rich?’

WASHINGTON, DC—Friends, I had another deep thought that I’d like to share. Lots of capitalist monsters try to say that the economy is so bad...

BREAKING: Nord Stream pipeline has information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton

BERLIN—The Nord Steam pipeline, widely known to have colluded with Russia, has reportedly overhead important information that certainly will lead to the arrest to the...

BREAKING: Florida chooses possible starvation over vegan meats as Hurricane Ian approaches

Grocery shelves across Florida are closing up shop in preparation for a category 4 hurricane Ian. The ones that are open have sold out of...

AOC: ‘These poor pumpkins have been drained of their spice by illegal poachers; this needs to stop!’

I don't know who needs to hear it, but pumpkin spice poaching is not okay. I just visited a field in Connecticut where all of...

BREAKING: FBI arrests Mike Lindell after spotting a MyPillow in Hunter Biden sex trafficking video

US—The Federal Bureau of Investigation is shaking down Mike Lindell after identifying a MyPillow in the background of one of Hunter Biden's sex trafficking videos....

Newsom unveils bold plan for free 100% renewable energy for California

SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom is sick and tired of waiting for the federal government to lead the way in fighting climate change. After being criticized for...

Science Grid

Louisiana man whose skin turned black from antidepressants is offered full ride to Harvard

A caucasian man's skin has turned black after a mystery reaction to a commonly prescribed anti-depressant. Harvard has since given Monk a full scholarship to...

BREAKING: Biden promises to help those hit by Hurricane Ian by giving $13 billion more to Ukraine

WASHINGTON, DC—After Historic Hurricane Ian devastated the West coast of Florida, President* Joe Biden said that he will do everything in his power to help...

CNN: How Trump’s white supremacy caused Hurricane Ian

Hurricane Ian is the most racist hurricane in recent memory and, according to documents discovered during the FBI raid of the Mar-a-Lago estate, it could...

BREAKING: Florida chooses possible starvation over vegan meats as Hurricane Ian approaches

Grocery shelves across Florida are closing up shop in preparation for a category 4 hurricane Ian. The ones that are open have sold out of...

Stacey Abrams: ‘Fetal heartbeats don’t exist until they’re implanted by aliens right before birth’

ATLANTA—Democratic Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams said “there is no such thing as a heartbeat at six weeks” during an event Tuesday at the Ray...

BREAKING: Biden cures COVID

(CNN) WASHINGTON, DC—Just days after President* Joe Biden cured cancer, Biden has also cured COVID. “You know, we were so successful in curing cancer by...

Featured Articles

Elon Musk buys Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to fix their marriage

Elon Musk announced his most recent multi-billion dollar purchases: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. “I invested in the West-Kardashian marriage because I believe it is...

FBI says ‘the Big Guy’ in Hunter’s emails was comedian Louie Anderson not Joe Biden

WASHINGTON, DC--Emails by the Federal Bureau of Investigation reveal explicit conversations between Hunter Biden and the comedian, Louie Anderson they say closes the case on...

Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years

A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...

To prepare for war, Ukrainian troops undergo emergency Critical Race Theory training

UKRAINE—As the nation awaits a Russian invasion, military leaders ordered all soldiers receive last minute critical race theory lessons in preparation for battle. "The Russian...

AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’

Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop working because of the fascist mandates. But I'm not worried....

Health Grid

Biden introduces new #PandemicIsOver face masks grade schoolers will be forced to wear this year

WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has introduced a new #PandemicIsOver face mask that pre-K, kindergarten, and grade schoolers will be forced to wear this year after...

BREAKING: John Fetterman gives another amazing speech

(CNN) The face of the 2022 Democratic Party is John Fetterman and he gave another amazing speech last night. Just like President* Joe Biden, Fetterman...

BREAKING: Biden cures COVID

(CNN) WASHINGTON, DC—Just days after President* Joe Biden cured cancer, Biden has also cured COVID. “You know, we were so successful in curing cancer by...

BREAKING: Biden eliminates all cancer in the U.S. by changing the definition of cancer to ‘disease no one has’

WASHINGTON, DC—Just a day after President* Joe Biden vowed to eliminate cancer in his Cancer Moonshot, he has succeeded 100%. "It wasn't really that hard...

Fauci: ‘Be sure to wear three coats this winter so the person next to you doesn’t freeze to death’

WASHINGTON, DC—Outgoing NIAID Director Anthony Fauci weighed in on potential life-threatening conditions this winter and encouraged every American to "wear three coats this winter so...

New study shows that millions of vaccinated men are unable to get pregnant

US—A shocking new study has revealed that millions of vaccinated men are unable to get pregnant, stumping experts in the fields of immunology and gender...

Tech Talk

Top Ten Signs Your House Will Be Raided By the FBI

Are you a conservative patriot who loves this country and everything it stands for? Then you better watch out, because it’s only a matter of...

California mandates gas generators to charge electric vehicles amid strained power grid

SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom has signed a law requiring electric vehicle owners to buy mobile gas generators to charge their electric vehicles in order to...

NEW: Tesla rolls out electric F-15 to meet surging demand

AUSTIN—Electric car maker Tesla has rolled out the new electric fighter jet F-15 to meet surging demand after President* Biden said half the country needs...

‘I can’t afford my student loan’ woman wearing $1000 outfit tweets on $800 phone

Angry with the injustice of the financial system, fashionable local woman Charlie Burke hate tweeted, "I can't afford my student loan!" on her new $800...

Tulsi Gabbard Venmos Nanci Pelosi $600.01 forcing the IRS to audit Pelosi’s finances

US—Former Representative Tulsi Gabbard has sent $600.01 through Venmo to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, which will force the IRS to audit Pelosi's finances....