Rising Islamophobia May Force Muslim Entrepreneurs to Close Their Scam Daycares and Wineries 
Prosecuting Election Fraud Is a Threat to Our Democracy 
Local Taco Bell Manager Certain Cyclospora Outbreak Came From Farmers Market Down the Street 
Carney Bans Wildfires From Canada 
Around the World
Carney Bans Wildfires From Canada
OTTAWA — In a bold move to combat climate change and assert national sovereignty over uncontrollable natural phenomena, Canadian officials announced Tuesday a comprehensive ban...
France, Last Remaining African Team, Eliminated from World Cup
DALLAS—The final African representative at the 2026 FIFA World Cup hosted across the United States has been eliminated, as France fell to Spain in the...
Britons Horrified to Learn UK Rape Gangs Have Been Using Air Conditioning
LONDON — Ordinary Britons expressed shock and outrage Tuesday upon discovering that grooming gangs operating across the United Kingdom have been making extensive use of...
King Charles Appears to Forget Human Contact Lenses During Latest Address
LONDON — In what Palace officials described as a “minor wardrobe oversight,” King Charles III delivered a measured address on the monarchy’s updated responsibilities, during...
AOC: Homophobic Trump would never have opened the Strait of Hormuz if it were called the ‘Gay of Hormuz’
In these trying times of late-stage capitalism and rising seas, we are once again reminded that Donald Trump’s foreign policy isn’t about strategy, strength, or...
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle & Beauty
Travis Kelce Announces Pregnancy Just Days after Marrying Taylor Swift
NEW YORK—Travis Kelce, the Kansas City Chiefs tight end, confirmed Friday that he is expecting his first child with Taylor Swift, mere hours after the...
Graham Platner Comes Out as Muslim Transwoman; All Allegations Immediately Dropped
WASHINGTON — Graham Platner, who converted to Islam earlier Tuesday and saw all pending legal cases against him dismissed, announced Wednesday morning that he is...
The Racist Origins of Father’s Day
As we approach another so-called Father’s Day, it is long past time we confront the uncomfortable truth: this holiday is not a benign celebration of...
Happy Non-Gestating Person Day to All Who Celebrate
As a non-binary scholar of decolonial gender studies and intersectional reproductive justice (with two doctoral degrees from institutions that have since issued appropriate land acknowledgments),...
AOC: We Must Abolish Father’s Day Because It Is Racist
As we approach another Father’s Day, I find myself reflecting on a holiday that, while seemingly harmless to some, has become impossible for me to...
Business News
Rising Islamophobia May Force Muslim Entrepreneurs to Close Their Scam Daycares and Wineries
Washington, D.C. — Citing a sharp increase in so-called "Islamophobia," a coalition of Muslim business owners announced Tuesday that they may be forced to shutter...
Mamdani Opens New NYC Restaurant Allowing Comrades to Literally ‘Eat the Rich’
New York, NY – Mayor Zohran Mamdani proudly cut the ribbon today on The Guillotine Grill, the city’s first municipally endorsed cannibal restaurant, where diners...
Newsom Threatens to Seize Elon Musk’s Entire $1.1 Trillion to Fund Another 0.0 Miles of His High-Speed Rail Project
SACRAMENTO — Governor Gavin Newsom announced Tuesday that his administration is exploring legal avenues to confiscate Elon Musk’s full $1.1 trillion net worth, declaring the...
Elon Musk Sleeping Horribly Due to His Hoarding $1 Trillion in Cash Under His Mattress
AUSTIN, Texas — Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla, SpaceX, and several other ventures valued in the hundreds of billions, is reportedly suffering from chronic poor...
“Elon Musk Is a Parasite,” Say Politicians Who Live Entirely on Extorted Taxpayer Money
WASHINGTON — A bipartisan coalition of lawmakers denounced billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk as a “parasite” Tuesday, arguing that his companies’ success unfairly burdens society by...
Trump Announces 38th Final Iran Peace Deal Coincidentally Timed With Enormous Stock Bet
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced Thursday that the United States and Iran are on the verge of signing what he described as the "final,...
Science Grid
Local Taco Bell Manager Certain Cyclospora Outbreak Came From Farmers Market Down the Street
TOLEDO, OH — Tony Faucito, shift manager at the local Taco Bell on Monroe Street in northern Ohio, announced Wednesday that he is “extremely confident”...
The New ‘Odyssey’ Film Literally Impregnated Me
Adjunct Professor of Cinematic Reproductive Studies and Post-Structural Fertility Narratives, University of Coastal Privilege As a woman of science with two doctoral degrees — one...
Carney Bans Wildfires From Canada
OTTAWA — In a bold move to combat climate change and assert national sovereignty over uncontrollable natural phenomena, Canadian officials announced Tuesday a comprehensive ban...
Supreme Court Rules Babies Born in the Hospital are Automatically Licensed to Practice Medicine
Washington — In a landmark 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court held Tuesday that any child born within the confines of a licensed hospital is, by...
BREAKING: Macron Bans Heatwaves from France
PARIS — In a decisive move to combat extreme weather, the French government under President Emmanuel Macron has issued a comprehensive ban on heatwaves, effective...
Trump Stocks Reflecting Pool with Man-Eating Piranhas to Deter Purple-Haired Vandals
WASHINGTON — Citing ongoing concerns over “repeated acts of unauthorized aquatic protesting,” the Trump administration announced Tuesday that it has introduced several hundred South American...
Featured Articles
COPS: UK provides masterclass in woke policing
LONDON — In what is being hailed as a “masterclass in modern policing,” two heroic Metropolitan Police officers were caught on camera walking straight past...
“Are You Not Validated?” – Elliot Page Gladiator Remake Review
In what can only be described as a courageous act of historical scholarship, Ridley Scott—or whoever was contractually obligated to direct this—has reimagined Gladiator for...
WATCH: Fat Gun: Doughboy
Fat Gun: Doughboy is a political documentary that follows the bizarre and covert diplomatic mission known only as Operation Doughboy—an alleged effort by U.S. Vice...
Deep Thoughts by AOC Episode 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFoOcDfHbH8 🌀 Deep Thoughts by AOC — Episode 1 Step into the shimmering world of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s consciousness, where ideas flow as freely as government...
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...
Health Grid
Local Taco Bell Manager Certain Cyclospora Outbreak Came From Farmers Market Down the Street
TOLEDO, OH — Tony Faucito, shift manager at the local Taco Bell on Monroe Street in northern Ohio, announced Wednesday that he is “extremely confident”...
BREAKING: Mitch McConnell Confirmed Brain Dead, So Nothing New
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Doctors at a Washington hospital confirmed Tuesday that Senator Mitch McConnell is clinically brain dead, prompting a bipartisan response of, "Wait... wasn't...
AOC Sets Apartment Thermostat to 68 Degrees, Killing Six in France
PARIS — Six French citizens died amid a record heatwave in the capital this week, an event Paris Mayor Anne Hidalgo has attributed to American...
All Things Considered…Problematic: The Quiet Violence of Coffee
All Things Considered... Problematic is the NPR-style podcast for the deeply online, ethically exhausted, and perpetually concerned. Each episode features ultra-progressive academics and activists locked...
BREAKING: Senator Lindsey Graham hospitalized with prolonged erection after US bombs Iran
WASHINGTON, DC—Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was rushed to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center late last night after suffering what medical professionals are calling a...
People who didn’t accept themselves as they were demand you accept them for who they are
SPRINGFIELD — In a joint statement delivered via a synchronized TikTok live from the back room of a downtown queer coffee shop, the Springfield Trans...
Religion
Education
Tech Talk
If the USA Is So Great, Why Did They Need to Create the USB?
Once again, the so-called patriots want us to bow down to the myth of American greatness. But let’s talk about the quiet admission hidden in...
Federal Judge Orders Artemis II Crew to Turn Around Mid-Flight, Seek Congressional Approval Before Proceeding to Moon
Houston, TX – In a landmark ruling delivered from the bench via emergency Zoom hearing, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole has ordered NASA’s Artemis II...
2001: A Space Odyssey Remake Highlights HAL 9000 with ChatGPT Upgrade
Los Angeles, March 2026 — In a move that has already been described as “both inevitable and deeply unnecessary,” Warner Bros. Discovery confirmed today that...
Iranian general writes scathing 1-star review for Chinese military drones purchased on Temu
Tehran, Iran — In a scathing internal review leaked to Western intelligence agencies (and promptly posted on a public Telegram channel titled “IRGC Bargain Bin...
Pam Bondi’s Pedometer Stuck On ‘0’ Despite Busy Day of Pacing the Halls of Justice
Washington, D.C. — In a development that has left fitness trackers across the capital utterly perplexed, U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi reported today that her...
Mobile Shopping Trends Transforming E-Commerce
Mobile Shopping Trends Transforming E-Commerce Mobile shopping did not just make online purchases more convenient. It changed how people think while they shop. Instead of...