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BREAKING: Liz Cheney being airlifted from Wyoming to DC following primary election

CHEYENNE, WY—Republican Liz Cheney was seen being airlifted out of her Wyoming habitat after residents in the state overwhelmingly voted to send her back to...

BREAKING: Anonymous source says Trump is selling nuclear codes as part of 2024 fundraiser

WASHINGTON, DC—An anonymous insider source has confirmed that former President Donald Trump is actively selling US nuclear codes to his email list as part of...

Historians remove Nicolaus Copernicus for denying scientific consensus

US—Nicolaus Copernicus was a Renaissance polymath, active as a mathematician, astronomer, and Catholic canon, whose statements frequently contradict the scientific consensus on the Earth being the center of the...

Hunter joins President Biden on family beach trip to Epstein Island following FBI raid of Trump

(CNN) WASHINGTON, DC—Austere first son Hunter Biden joined his father on Air Force One Wednesday for a flight to a family vacation on Epstein Island...

Cabal of global elites outlaws ‘dangerous’ conspiracy theory that there’s a cabal of global elites

UN—A cabal of global elites have officially outlawed the “worrying and dangerous” conspiracy theory that there is a cabal of global elites. The cabal, run...

Business News

Tulsi Gabbard Venmos Nanci Pelosi $600.01 forcing the IRS to audit Pelosi’s finances

US—Former Representative Tulsi Gabbard has sent $600.01 through Venmo to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, which will force the IRS to audit Pelosi's finances....

Mastering Your Finances With Better Money Management

If even thinking about money management gives you a headache, you’re far from alone. Many people get stressed out thinking about their finances, whether they...

BREAKING: Elon Musk offers to buy the FBI from the Clintons for $66 billion

US—Elon Musk has launched a $66 billion bid to buy the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), saying the proposed deal is part of his plan...

BREAKING: Twitter suspends the CDC for contradicting the CDC

TWATVILLE, CA—Social media behemoth Twitter has been banned the Centers for Disease Control and Propagation (CDC) indefinitely from its platform for violating its community standards...

Dolphins wide receiver Hubris Jackson suspended for 2 preseason games for murdering his ex-wife

MIAMI—Dolphins wide receiver Hubris Jackson was suspended for 2 preseason games for murdering his ex-wife and two other people in a spontaneous killing spree over...

BREAKING: FDA approves new Pfizer vaccine that is 95% effective against recession

US—The FDA has approved a new vaccine that is 95% effective against recession, a statement from the agency said. The approval comes shortly after the...

Science Grid

Historians remove Nicolaus Copernicus for denying scientific consensus

US—Nicolaus Copernicus was a Renaissance polymath, active as a mathematician, astronomer, and Catholic canon, whose statements frequently contradict the scientific consensus on the Earth being the center of the...

BREAKING: Great white sharks to be renamed ‘white supremacist fish’

NEW YORK—Following a rash of shark attacks that have plagued American beaches this summer, activists are calling for renaming great white sharks "white supremacist fish."...

BREAKING: Biden outlaws attempts to stop the spread of monkeypox as a hate crime

WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has outlawed any attempt to try to stop the spread of monkey pox as a hate crime. "Monkeypox is major pandemic...

POLL: What should Biden rename monkeypox to make it more inclusive?

Following a bigoted response to monkeypox with some people pointing out that homosexuals constitute 98% of the cases, the Biden administration is looking for a...

AOC says she was ‘just kidding about the Green New Deal’ as she pumps the AC to 72°

US Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been making the case for reducing fossil fuels use and reducing one’s carbon footprint. But she recently said that she was, “Just...

BREAKING: FDA approves new Pfizer vaccine that is 95% effective against recession

US—The FDA has approved a new vaccine that is 95% effective against recession, a statement from the agency said. The approval comes shortly after the...

Featured Articles

Elon Musk buys Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to fix their marriage

Elon Musk announced his most recent multi-billion dollar purchases: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. “I invested in the West-Kardashian marriage because I believe it is...

FBI says ‘the Big Guy’ in Hunter’s emails was comedian Louie Anderson not Joe Biden

WASHINGTON, DC--Emails by the Federal Bureau of Investigation reveal explicit conversations between Hunter Biden and the comedian, Louie Anderson they say closes the case on...

Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years

A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...

To prepare for war, Ukrainian troops undergo emergency Critical Race Theory training

UKRAINE—As the nation awaits a Russian invasion, military leaders ordered all soldiers receive last minute critical race theory lessons in preparation for battle. "The Russian...

AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’

Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop working because of the fascist mandates. But I'm not worried....

Health Grid

BREAKING: Hunter Biden tests positive for every disease except COVID

US—During this global health crisis, austere businessman Hunter Biden has tested positive for every disease except for COVID, which is still plaguing the world. With...

BREAKING: Twitter suspends the CDC for contradicting the CDC

TWATVILLE, CA—Social media behemoth Twitter has been banned the Centers for Disease Control and Propagation (CDC) indefinitely from its platform for violating its community standards...

BREAKING: Republicans trick Biden into taking a cognition test by telling him it’s a COVID test

WASHINGTON, DC—US House Republicans have been trying to trick President* Joe Biden into taking a cognition test since the oldest president ever took office but...

BREAKING: Biden outlaws attempts to stop the spread of monkeypox as a hate crime

WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has outlawed any attempt to try to stop the spread of monkey pox as a hate crime. "Monkeypox is major pandemic...

POLL: What should Biden rename monkeypox to make it more inclusive?

Following a bigoted response to monkeypox with some people pointing out that homosexuals constitute 98% of the cases, the Biden administration is looking for a...

Biden Administration Changes the Definition of ‘Dementia’

As Americans continue to question President Biden's mental fitness and competency, the White House proudly announced updates to the Department of Health's definition of 'dementia.'...

Tech Talk

Tulsi Gabbard Venmos Nanci Pelosi $600.01 forcing the IRS to audit Pelosi’s finances

US—Former Representative Tulsi Gabbard has sent $600.01 through Venmo to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, which will force the IRS to audit Pelosi's finances....

BREAKING: Twitter suspends the CDC for contradicting the CDC

TWATVILLE, CA—Social media behemoth Twitter has been banned the Centers for Disease Control and Propagation (CDC) indefinitely from its platform for violating its community standards...

Cabal of global elites outlaws ‘dangerous’ conspiracy theory that there’s a cabal of global elites

UN—A cabal of global elites have officially outlawed the “worrying and dangerous” conspiracy theory that there is a cabal of global elites. The cabal, run...

World’s biggest philanthropist Bill Gates to donate most his wealth to himself

SEATTLE—Billionaire Bill Gates said in a Wednesday Twitter thread that he plans to get off the "rich list" by donating of his fortune to himself....

FBI to charge those who read about Hunter Biden’s Laptop with distributing child porn

WASHINGTON, DC—The Federal Bureau of Investigation has charged millions of people with distributing child pornography for reading about the contents of Hunter Biden's laptop. The...

EXCLUSIVE: First Images from the James Webb Space Telescope

(NASA) The dawn of a new era in astronomy has begun as the world gets its first look at the full capabilities of NASA’s James...