New England Patriots: ‘Sex crimes are only bad when players do it’ 
Environmentalists make statement by trashing hundreds of parks around the globe 
Millions of students walk out of science class to protest climate change 
Climate Strike: Millions of people fight global apocalypse by taking an extra long lunch break 
BREAKING: Several Democratic frontrunners being paid by GOP to look utterly insane Featured
Video surfaces of Justin Trudeau trying to look like a man
Video footage surfaced over the weekend of the Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, offensively dressed like a man. The footage has sparked outrage among the...
Local abortionist laughs at recent mass shooter’s ‘rookie numbers’
Stanley Alberts, the #1 abortionist at the Columbus, Ohio Women’s Clinic has some advice for the most recent mass shooters. “You mean to tell me...
Nation’s 1st graders explain to Democratic Hopefuls you cant take other people’s stuff
First it was old man Bernie shouting about taking from the one percent and redistributing it among America’s English majors. Then came Elizabeth Warren, through...
Breaking: Prominent white-supremacist calls transgenderism stupid
Candace, Candace, Candace, the sweetheart Nazi Barbie doll of the alt right thinks it’s stupid for children to choose their gender. She thinks a loving...
AOC decries burrito vending machine as latest example of capitalism’s exploitation of marginalized peoples
“How can they do this?” Occasio-Cortez asked her campaign assistant. “These filthy capitalists just appropriate Texican culture and put it in a vending machine. How...
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BREAKING: Several Democratic frontrunners being paid by GOP to look utterly insane
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Beto doubles down: will replace US nuclear weapons with NERF darts as president
After a shocking series of events, Democratic hopeful Robert "Beto" O'Rourke has doubled down on his anti-gun stance. The former jailbird has stated that if...
BREAKING: Latest Hurricane Dorian prediction maps completed by local toddler
MOBILE, AL—18-month-old and world renown scribbler Bobby has released the latest Hurricane Dorian prediction model maps for the US National Hurricane Center. The maps the...
SJWs mad that the female Thor isn’t a black transgender lesbian
Natalie Portman's role in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is set to drastically expand in the next Thor sequel, as her franchise character will soon enough be the...
Rey employs practical new light saber in ‘Rise of Skywalker’
Throwing out all the stops for the last in the latest Star Wars trilogy, producers at Disney have given the central character Rey a Swiss...
NOAA: ‘July 2019 imaginary temperatures were the hottest ever’
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has released important information, confirming that July 2019 was the hottest month ever in their imagination. "The actual...