Russia amasses troops at Ukraine border to spell ‘Let’s Go Brandon!’ 
POLL: What color should Anthony Fauci’s prison jumpsuit be? 
BREAKING: Biden to send army of ‘terrifying’ Rachel Levine clones to defend Ukraine 
New COVID variant ‘Happicron’ deadliest to old sourpusses and mediocre comedians 
Truckers identify as illegal immigrants to sidestep Biden vaccine mandate 
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Truckers identify as illegal immigrants to sidestep Biden vaccine mandate
BALLSCOLD, MN—Canadian and Mexican truckers entering the US through their respective borders are now identifying as illegal immigrants to sidestep the Biden administration vaccine mandate....
M&M’s releases new woke M&LGBTQIAM’s
HACKETSTOWN, NJ—M&M's chocolate candy is going woke with new, inclusive M&LGBTQIAM's with a unique filling: actual sh*t. Mars Wrigley Group, the parent company that produces...
BREAKING: AOC begins cloning herself so that ‘everyone can date her’
US—Blueside Biological Labs has begun cloning US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) so that "everyone can date her," according to Left Face Magazine. The clones will...
Newsom tackles LA train looting crisis by making cute little BLM sculpture from leftover trash
LOS ANGELES—California Governor Gavin Newsom turned lemons into lemonade today by creating a fun little "Black Lives Matter" sculpture out of all that trash left...
Pfizer CEO says Omicron vaccine will be ready just in time for it to be completely useless
US—Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla on Monday said a vaccine that targets the Omicron variant of COVID will be ready in March, just in time for it to be...
Gov. Newsom named U-Haul’s #1 salesman of 2021
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom is racking up the awards. For the first time this year, Newsom has been named U-Haul’s number one salesman for his efforts...
Science Grid
POLL: What color should Anthony Fauci’s prison jumpsuit be?
We at Genesius Times want to make sure Dr. Fauci looks great while he's in jail for mass murder, so we're asking what his prison...
BREAKING: Biden to send army of ‘terrifying’ Rachel Levine clones to defend Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—NATO allies are putting forces on standby and sending additional ships and fighter jets to eastern Europe, and Emperor Palbiden, formerly known as President*...
BREAKING: AOC begins cloning herself so that ‘everyone can date her’
US—Blueside Biological Labs has begun cloning US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) so that "everyone can date her," according to Left Face Magazine. The clones will...
President Biden promises to solve all the problems caused by whoever is president
WASHINGTON, D.C.-- President Joe Biden promised to solve all the problems caused by whoever's president, marking the first year of his presidency. Reporters attending the...
Virginia’s new governor recklessly allows children to breathe freely all day
(CNN) We knew it would be bad, but we didn't know it would be this bad. Virginia's new Republican Governor Glenn Youngkin has immediately set...
Greta Thunberg screams at Tonga volcano recklessly violating climate change regulation
TONGA—Just a day after Time Magazine named her "Person of the Year," Greta Thunberg was fighting climate change, this time near a volcano eruption in...
