Public schools to replace Dodgeball with rubber bullets this fall 
Bill de Blasio’s daughter arrested for impersonating Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez 
Local courts flooded with Karens demanding name change 
Looting-free zone signs introduced as protest countermeasures in major cities 
STUDY: 66% of rioters are zombies previously killed by COVID-19 Featured
Local ladies attend ‘Worst clam rally in history’
WALKER, LA — Three local woman prepared their finest clam dishes in preparation for their first clam rally. Three hours into the event, the ladies...
Newsom reminds Californians to only go outside to defecate on the sidewalk
In a stern warning amid the raging COVID-19 pandemic, Governor Gavin Newsom issued a reminder for Californians only to go outside in order to defecate...
Amid COVID pandemic, nation’s hospitals request fewer ventilators and more cowbell
Nurse crews are absolutely killing it in their response to a Tik Tok dance challenge during the COVID-19 pandemic. The craze is spreading across the...
Breaking: New Orleans Coronavirus outbreak caused by Popeye’s new fried bat combo
Upping the ante in the Chicken flame wars, Popeye’s released their boldest meal to date. Playing off of the Corona Virus pandemic—that started in a...
GT’s Definitive Guide to Panicking During the Coronavirus Pandemic
There has been a lot of confusion during the chaos of the coronavirus plague and pandemic. The CDC has said that the current outbreak of...
Newsbeat
Bill de Blasio’s daughter arrested for impersonating Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Looting-free zone signs introduced as protest countermeasures in major cities
Entertainment
Tony Award nominee ‘Miss Wuhan, A Love Story Gone Viral’ up for Best Pandemic from a Communist Country
Tech Grid
Alyssa Milano releases line of crocheted body armor for police
Actress, activists, and self proclaimed genius Alyssa Milano has already made her mark by being part of the #MetooSometimes Movement and, of course, entertainment. Her...
Nation’s liberals all jump off cliff after experts say it reduces risk of catching COVID
Well the experts done done it (again). First they said the virus was not highly contagious, then they said it was but there’s no reason...
Twitter automatically changes all old #IBelieveHer hashtags to #IBelieveJoe
Twitter has done it again. With so many cutting edge technologies like increasing the allowed length of tweet from 140 to 280 characters (that was...
De Blasio posts ‘Work From Home Sets You Free’ signs around New York City
In an uplifting public relations campaign, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has posted signs around the five boroughs stating: "Work From Home Sets...
CDC recommends everyone now wear tin foil face masks while in public
WASHINGTON — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) readied new guidelines Monday on coronavirus protections including an innovative new tin foil face mask...
Billions confident the creator of Windows will protect them from a virus
Billions of people across the globe are waiting with bated breath for the maker of the Windows computer operating system, Bill Gates, to protect them...