BREAKING: New York declares State of Emergency, erects wall to keep taxpayers from leaving the state 
Attacks by invisible Trump supporters on the rise 
UPDATE: Colorado jogger who was jumped by mountain lion said cat yelled ‘This is MAGA country!’ 
New York reveals new motto: ‘We’ll kill your babies and run your business out of town!’ 
BREAKING: Alleged assailants arrested in Jussie Smollett attack Featured
Attacks by invisible Trump supporters on the rise
In the wake of the Jussie Smollett incident, left-wing activists have taken to social media to raise awareness of the increasing number of assaults on...
UPDATE: Colorado jogger who was jumped by mountain lion said cat yelled ‘This is MAGA country!’
A Colorado jogger, who was minding his own business jogging on a nature trail when attacked by a mountain lion has since come out with...
BREAKING: Dems and Reps come together to ensure Americans will always have catastrophic debt
WASHINGTON - In an era of extreme polarization, many were happy to hear that Democrats and Republicans have finally come together in an unprecedented bipartisan...
Spacious 2-bed, 1-bath pothole for rent in great neighborhood
Great location right in the heart of town! This spacious pothole comes with a large fenced in driveway and easy access to nearby interstates. Pool...
Protestors offended by exclusion from ‘Victim of the Year Awards’
The American Hardship Legal Center (AHLC) has announced the highly anticipated nominees for its Victim of the Year Awards that will be presented on February...
Newsbeat
UPDATE: Colorado jogger who was jumped by mountain lion said cat yelled ‘This is MAGA country!’
Science
Ruth Bader Ginsburg doing ‘just fine’ after transplant to perpetual life vat
14 tips on convincing anti-vaxxers that they’re really horrible people
Tech Grid
EXCLUSIVE: Russian hackers fill Dem primary with utterly despicable people
U.S.—Russian hackers responsible for making Trump president in 2016 are at it again for the 2020 election, again relying on their most devious tactic, filling...
BREAKING: Disney leaks new Star Wars title: ‘Episode IX: The Search for More Money’
After a monumental flop in Star Wars franchise history for the eighth installment, Disney has leaked the new Star Wars film title, a frank: 'Episode...
Travelers cheer as TSA officers return to fondle their privates
U.S.—Plane travelers across the United States are celebrating the end of the government shutdown primarily because the T.S.A. guards are back barking orders and groping...
Google offers aversion therapy for conservative employees who slipped through the cracks
After several complaints by Google employees that a manager mentioned the deeply problematic and homophobic word "family", the company (NASDAQ: GOOG) will be offering aversion...
Congressional turd proposes 70% tax on rich for gold-plated sewers
The first-ever living turd to be elected to the US House of Representatives, Chet (@ChetTheTurd), is not wasting any time making waves. He has proposed...
Google office quarantined after employee accidentally wished a “Merry Christmas”
The Google Headquarters in Mountain View, California shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All employees were evacuated...