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BREAKING: McConnell and Schumer unite under MUGA (Make Ukraine Great Again) banner to combat MAGA

In a bizarre twist of political theater, Senate leaders Mitch McConnell and Chuck Schumer have joined forces under the banner of "MUGA" (Make Ukraine Great...

AOC: Wrong! We should take out a $34 trillion loan from China to pay off the entire national debt

As a public figure, I've grown accustomed to dealing with all sorts of attention, both positive and negative. However, there's one particular aspect of online...

Biden takes break from persecuting his political enemies to criticize Putin for persecuting his political enemies

WASHINGTON, DC—In a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black, US President* Joe Biden recently took a brief pause from scrutinizing his own...

Local Chinese restaurant replaces fortune cookie sayings with Fani’s Daddy’s genius

ATLANTA—A Chinese restaurant has bid farewell to tradition and ushered in a new era of enlightenment with its latest culinary innovation: "Fani's Daddy's Quips." Gone...

LIFE HACK: American Seniors flying to Mexico to come back as illegal immigrants to get better state benefits

Thousands of senior citizens are flying to Mexico and walking back over the US border as illegal aliens in order to take advantage of the...

Lifestyle & Beauty

BREAKING: Biden to dedicate his next beach vacation to the victims of the East Palestine train disaster

WASSHINGTON, DC—In a move that has raised eyebrows and elicited more than a few chuckles, President* Joe Biden announced today that he will be dedicating...

Not to be outdone by Trump’s sneakers, Kamala Harris releases line of golden knee pads

In a bold move to outshine her political rival, former Vice President Kamala Harris has unveiled her latest venture: a line of luxurious, gold-plated knee...

LIFE HACK: American Seniors flying to Mexico to come back as illegal immigrants to get better state benefits

Thousands of senior citizens are flying to Mexico and walking back over the US border as illegal aliens in order to take advantage of the...

CNN: How Biden’s global thermonuclear war could be great for your skin

In the beauty world, achieving a glowing complexion is the ultimate goal. And what better way to get that radiant look than through global thermonuclear...

We’re DINKS and we want you to know how fulfilled we are by letting you know how fulfilled we are

In a world filled with acronyms, we proudly wear the badge of DINK (Dual Income, No Kids). But we're not content with silently enjoying our...

Business News

AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’

Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop driving into New York City because of a corrupt court...

Anthony Fauci releases line of Valentines

No one can get enough of America's Doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci, especially on Valentine's Day. So, the good doctor has released his own line of...

New #HeGetsUs ad depicts people washing degenerates’ feet before they are destroyed in raining brimstone

A controversial new advertisement released as part of the #HeGetsUs campaign has sparked outrage and condemnation from across the political spectrum. The ad, titled "Feet...

Budweiser Unveils “Dem Light” Can Featuring Nikki Haley

In a bold marketing move that has left political pundits scratching their heads, Budweiser, the iconic American beer brand, has announced the release of a...

LIFE HACK: How to claim Biden’s 10 million new illegal immigrants as dependents on your taxes

President* Joe Biden's recent immigration policy has inadvertently created a unique opportunity for savvy taxpayers to expand their households and, in turn, maximize their tax...

AOC: ‘I don’t need farmers. I get all my food from the grocery store’

Everyone’s making a big deal about Dutch farmers uniting and the possibility that they may "stop working" because of the government mandates. But I’m not worried. Why...

Science Grid

Greta Thunberg’s Global Warming Conference cancelled due to sub-arctic freezing temps

A symposium sponsored by the International Global Warming Trust was cancelled today in Michigan as temperatures dipped below -50 degrees F. Experts were quick to...

Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years

A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...

Spirit Halloween “Science” Costume

Unleash your inner genius and eccentricity with the Spirit Halloween "Science" costume, the perfect choice for Halloween or themed parties. This costume will transform you...

Brave local man cuts off his penis so that other men won’t rape people with theirs

SPRINGFIELD—A brave local man, Hugh Janus, has cut off his penis so that other men won't rape people. This follows a string of rapes by...

REPORT: New Study Finds Men Who Have Taken The Covid Vaccine May Not Be Able To Get Pregnant

San Francisco, CA - In a groundbreaking scientific discovery, a new study has shaken the foundations of biology as we know it. The research, which...

BREAKING: AOC forced to pay a carbon offset penalty for her livestream flatulent

WASSHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), often recognized for her passionate climate advocacy, has found herself in hot air - quite literally. AOC, as she's affectionately...

Featured Articles

AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’

Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop driving into New York City because of a corrupt court...

Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years

A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...

Elon Musk buys Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to fix their marriage

Elon Musk announced his most recent multi-billion dollar purchases: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. “I invested in the West-Kardashian marriage because I believe it is...

FBI says ‘the Big Guy’ in Hunter’s emails was comedian Louie Anderson not Joe Biden

WASHINGTON, DC--Emails by the Federal Bureau of Investigation reveal explicit conversations between Hunter Biden and the comedian, Louie Anderson they say closes the case on...

To prepare for war, Ukrainian troops undergo emergency Critical Race Theory training

UKRAINE—As the nation awaits a Russian invasion, military leaders ordered all soldiers receive last minute critical race theory lessons in preparation for battle. "The Russian...

Health Grid

Anthony Fauci releases line of Valentines

No one can get enough of America's Doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci, especially on Valentine's Day. So, the good doctor has released his own line of...

BREAKING: John Bolton hospitalized with a prolonged erection caused by news of war with Iran

CNM News is reporting that former National Security Advisor to President Trump and lifetime hawk has been hospitalized with an unexpected erection that has lasted...

BREAKING: United Airlines bolsters DEI requirements, now hiring blind people as pilots

US—United Airlines announced today that it is bolstering its DEI requirements and is now hiring blind people to be pilots. The announcement comes amid fierce...

Jimmy Kimmel denies getting moob surgery on Epstein Island

HOLLYWOOD—In the latest episode of the surreal sitcom that is Jimmy Kimmel's life, the late-night funnyman finds himself at the center of a swirling controversy...

Suicide Hotline volunteer shocked when Hillary Clinton tried to ‘place an order’

A volunteer for the New York Metro Suicide Hotline service was shocked when she received a call from former Secretary Hillary Clinton. She was even...

CNN: How Biden’s global thermonuclear war could be great for your skin

In the beauty world, achieving a glowing complexion is the ultimate goal. And what better way to get that radiant look than through global thermonuclear...

Tech Talk

Google admits its Gemini AI just takes its historical figures from Netflix films

In a stunning admission, Google has revealed that its highly touted Gemini AI, which generates lifelike images of historical figures, relies heavily on Netflix documentaries...

Taylor Swift takes private jet to get from one side of her private jet to the other

US—Pop sensation Taylor Swift has unveiled her revolutionary solution for in-flight convenience: taking a private jet to get from one side of her private jet...

Is Vocational School Right For You?

In a world where the traditional path of a four-year college degree is often seen as the only gateway to success, the value of vocational...

BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All employees were evacuated and the...

‘Everyone must use their real name online’ says the woman born with the name Nimrata Randhawa

In a bold move towards transparency and accountability, said former U.S. Ambassador to the United Nikki Haley, whose real name is Nimrata Randhawa. Randhawa has...