Cuomo wins Al-Qaeda’s ‘Jihadi of the Year’ prize for killing 3x more Americans than 9/11 
Supreme Court Justice Roberts plugs ears, yells ‘I can’t hear you’ in response to election fraud cases 
Trump delivers his 5th State of the Union speech from Florida 
World stunned to hear a US president form complete sentences for the first time in a month 
Cuomo updates pronouns to herr/Führer Featured
Dems shocked to find their lives still suck after Trump is no longer president
US—Many Democrats are flying high today after the culmination of more than four years’ of bipartisan work to end the reign of President Donald Trump....
Cleveland Indians win ’21 World Series after changing name to Cleveland Dominion Voting Machines
The long lasting name for the movie-star Cleveland Indians baseball team has come to an end. The infamous team were forced to change their names...
Kamala Harris says Mayan calendar prophesies she will assume presidency February 02, 2022
WASHINGTON DC—Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris says the Mayan calendar has revealed she is to take the presidency of the United States on February 02 or...
All disagreement suddenly ends in America as Biden elected president
US—After his historic victory in the presidential election, which was the first not to have voter fraud, former Vice President Joe Biden said his first...
BREAKING: Lil Wayne reveals that ‘he ain’t black’
MIAMI—Lil Wayne is feeling the heat after he became the latest prominent rapper to announce that "he ain't black." Before President Donald Trump jetted to...
Newsbeat
Cuomo wins Al-Qaeda’s ‘Jihadi of the Year’ prize for killing 3x more Americans than 9/11
Supreme Court Justice Roberts plugs ears, yells ‘I can’t hear you’ in response to election fraud cases
Entertainment
BREAKING: President playing games while Americans die is heartwarming now
Tech Grid
CNN: Disturbing new trend of Americans having ‘unfettered conversations’
(CNN) Over the past few months there’s been a disturbing new trend that’s been spreading like wildfire. More than ever before, Americans are having ‘unfettered...
In effort to win over media, Ted Cruz starts putting COVID patients in nursing homes
AUSTIN—Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) who was criticized for not personally fixing all of the telephone and cables during the snowstorm is now being praised by...
AOC recommends increasing cow farts to warm Texas up
WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) made a bold suggestion for Texans experiencing unprecedented cooling caused by global warming: more cow farts. The ingenious recommendation came...
Green New Deal support increases among the Amish after green energy fail
ANDOVER, OH—As millions of Americans lose power provided by Green New Deal compliant energy sources, support for the bill among the nation's Amish communities sharply...
Local dad finally gets a rest after exhausting week of turning off the lights for everyone else
Local father of five adorable munchkins, Peter Bougereaux was finally able to rest on the couch this evening after an exhausting week of running around...
WOOPS: Puppet strings visible during Biden’s latest executive order signing
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has been no stranger to gaffs from the campaign to his adorable inability to put a pen in his pocket after killing...
