CDC: ‘You must trust the science that will be completely different 2 weeks from now’ 
Biden/Harris release new campaign logo 
Biden addresses gas lines by sending in world class musicians 
Here are 7 ways to end the Israeli-Palestinian conflict 
BREAKING: Hamas hires Ilhan Omar as new spokesman Featured
Bill Gates wins Oscar for best villain in real life
HOLLYWOOD—The 93rd Academy Awards broke a lot of new ground this year including awards for best real-life villain, which went to the totally creepy and...
BREAKING: US military to accept people who identify as good soldiers but are biologically no-skill fat slobs
WASHINGTON, DC—In a brave path forward under the Biden administration, the Pentagon is set to eliminate all discrimination in the US military. Now people who...
Dems shocked to find their lives still suck after Trump is no longer president
US—Many Democrats are flying high after the culmination of more than four years’ of bipartisan work to end the reign of President Donald Trump. But...
Cleveland Indians win ’21 World Series after changing name to Cleveland Dominion Voting Machines
The long lasting name for the movie-star Cleveland Indians baseball team has come to an end. The infamous team were forced to change their names...
Kamala Harris says Mayan calendar prophesies she will assume presidency February 02, 2022
WASHINGTON DC—Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris says the Mayan calendar has revealed she is to take the presidency of the United States on February 02 or...
Newsbeat
Entertainment
BREAKING: Fox News projects Hunter Biden to win the Pulitzer for stupid memoir
Tech Grid
Google removes Kyle Rittenhouse doodle after receiving complaints
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Search engine behemoth Google commemorated the Kenosha, WI unrest shooter Kyle Rittenhouse today with a fun doodle illustration on their search page. The...
BREAKING: Biden denies hacking of ‘most secure gas pipeline ever’
WASHINGTON, DC—Reports came in over the weekend of a potential hacking of the Colonial Pipeline, which carried fuel from Mexico through Texas and to the...
Elon Musk buys Twitter for $600B and immediately deletes it
AUSTIN—Business magnate Elon Musk has purchased the legacy social media platform Twitter for $600 billion and promptly deleted in his latest humanitarian venture. "Everyone knew...
CDC recommends everyone now wear tin foil face masks while in public
WASHINGTON — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) readied new guidelines Monday on coronavirus protections including an innovative new tin foil face mask...
Following Air Force One debacle, Biden installs stair lifts throughout White House
WASHINGTON, DC—You’ve probably seen the video dozens of times already of Biden tripping on the stairs of Air Force One not once, not twice…but THREE...
Biden installs windmills in White House to take advantage of all that wind knocking people over
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has installed several massive windmills in the White House to take advantage of the intense wind that is knocking people down...