Release the monkeypox! 
Jimmy Kimmel credits being vaxxed and boosted for getting COVID 2 times in a month instead of 3 
Buffalo shooting is NY’s worst mass murder since Cuomo killed 15k nursing home patients in 2020 
Biden to release 100m barrels of baby formula from strategic reserves, send it to the border 
STUNNING: Chet and Jabba the Hutt cover SI 2022 swimsuit issue 
Around the World
Elon Musk buys Motel 6 to build first motel on Mars
CARROLTON, TX—Elon Musk announced the purchase of Motel 6 from the Blackstone Group, this morning. He said the nationwide, popular motel chain will fly under...
Zelensky assures US that 10% of $40B aid package will go to the ‘Big Guy’
KYIV—Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky has agreed to a peace deal effectively ending the Ukraine-Russia war immediately following the deposit of $40 Billion in US taxpayer...
Lightfoot adds bloody aborted fetuses and bullet holes to official Chicago city flag
CHICAGO—Democratic Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot is vowing that her city will be an "oasis" for abortions if Roe v. Wade is overturned, going as far as to add aborted...
Biden declares war on the Ultra Mega Super Actors
Washington - President Joe Biden declared war on the Ultra-Mega Super Actors this morning. Calling them the most devastating legion since the Avengers, referencing the...
BREAKING: SCOTUS abortion decision leaked by The Ghost of Kiev
WASHINGTON, DC—The identity of the person who leaked the SCOTUS decision, which likely will overturn Roe v Wade has been uncovered as the Ghost of...
Entertainment
Sports
Business News
Amid shortage, US infants identifying as illegal immigrants to get baby formula from Biden
Springfield—American infants from San Diego to Sheboygan are identifying as illegal immigrants in order to get hard-to-come-by baby formula shipped directly to them from the...
Elon Musk buys Motel 6 to build first motel on Mars
CARROLTON, TX—Elon Musk announced the purchase of Motel 6 from the Blackstone Group, this morning. He said the nationwide, popular motel chain will fly under...
Biden promises to fix baby formula shortage by sending more weapons to Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden addressed the "shocking" baby formula shortage in the US by sending more weapons to Ukraine. "Really the only thing that can...
Zelensky assures US that 10% of $40B aid package will go to the ‘Big Guy’
KYIV—Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky has agreed to a peace deal effectively ending the Ukraine-Russia war immediately following the deposit of $40 Billion in US taxpayer...
Elon Musk secretly buys 51% of all passwords, will soon control internet
ZURICH—The GPO, Global Password Organization, announced on May 5th, World Password Day, that Elon Musk, the SpaceX and Tesla entrepreneur, has secretly bought over half...
Science Grid
Elon Musk buys Motel 6 to build first motel on Mars
CARROLTON, TX—Elon Musk announced the purchase of Motel 6 from the Blackstone Group, this morning. He said the nationwide, popular motel chain will fly under...
OPINION: If you don’t like the SCOTUS decision, then you can just start your own judicial system
Ok dear reader, if I know you, and you certainly know me, then I know you are having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad...
Dozens protest attack on women’s rights despite not being able to define ‘women’
WASHINGTON, DC—Dozens of protesters descended on the nation's capital to protest an attack on women's rights despite not being able to define "women". The protest...
To save black lives, Biden orders menthol factories to start providing abortions instead cigarettes
WASHINGTON, DC—In an effort to help the black community and save black lives, the Biden administration announced its intention today to ban menthol cigarettes and...
BREAKING: Elon Musk opens salt mine sourced only from liberal tears following Twitter acquisition
AUSTIN—Tesla CEO Elon Musk is venturing into new businesses. He is now selling salt sourced solely from liberal tears following the Twitter board's agreement to...
White House: Biden’s hands identify as separate personality dubbed ‘Handsy’
WASHINGTON, DC—Psychologists say, after years of repression, it looks like President Biden has developed split personality disorder. A representative from Washington’s Walter Reed Hospital Department...
Featured Articles
Elon Musk buys Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to fix their marriage
Elon Musk announced his most recent multi-billion dollar purchases: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. “I invested in the West-Kardashian marriage because I believe it is...
FBI says ‘the Big Guy’ in Hunter’s emails was comedian Louie Anderson not Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC--Emails by the Federal Bureau of Investigation reveal explicit conversations between Hunter Biden and the comedian, Louie Anderson they say closes the case on...
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...
To prepare for war, Ukrainian troops undergo emergency Critical Race Theory training
UKRAINE—As the nation awaits a Russian invasion, military leaders ordered all soldiers receive last minute critical race theory lessons in preparation for battle. "The Russian...
AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’
Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop working because of the fascist mandates. But I'm not worried....
Health Grid
Jimmy Kimmel credits being vaxxed and boosted for getting COVID 2 times in a month instead of 3
HOLLYWOOD—Legacy late night television star Jimmy Kimmel continues to test positive for COVID-19. Earlier this month, the 54-year-old late-night talk show host announced that he was taking...
Biden to release 100m barrels of baby formula from strategic reserves, send it to the border
WASHINGTON, DC—Americans can rest easy on the baby food shortage according to President Joe Biden, announcing he will issue an executive order to release baby...
Amid shortage, US infants identifying as illegal immigrants to get baby formula from Biden
Springfield—American infants from San Diego to Sheboygan are identifying as illegal immigrants in order to get hard-to-come-by baby formula shipped directly to them from the...
Biden promises to fix baby formula shortage by sending more weapons to Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden addressed the "shocking" baby formula shortage in the US by sending more weapons to Ukraine. "Really the only thing that can...
Psaki says parents who can’t find baby formula ‘should have just had an abortion’
WASHINGTON, DC—Outgoing White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said that parents who are having trouble finding baby formula amid a nation-wide shortage "should have just...
Religion
Education
Tech Talk
Elon Musk buys Motel 6 to build first motel on Mars
CARROLTON, TX—Elon Musk announced the purchase of Motel 6 from the Blackstone Group, this morning. He said the nationwide, popular motel chain will fly under...
Elon Musk secretly buys 51% of all passwords, will soon control internet
ZURICH—The GPO, Global Password Organization, announced on May 5th, World Password Day, that Elon Musk, the SpaceX and Tesla entrepreneur, has secretly bought over half...
Elon Musk buys Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to fix their marriage
Elon Musk announced his most recent multi-billion dollar purchases: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. “I invested in the West-Kardashian marriage because I believe it is...
BREAKING: People who think men can get pregnant are worried Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter
US—People who think men can get pregnant are worried that Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter, sources say. "We're controlling the narrative across the...
Jack Dorsey launches ‘Bitter’ for all disaffected liberals who’ve left Twitter
SILICON VALLEY—Former Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey has launched "Bitter", the social media app for all disaffected liberals who have left Twitter since Elon Musk bought...
BREAKING: Thousands of liberals hospitalized with severe exposure to free speech on Twitter
US--Hospitals across the country have recently been inundated with patients who have been exposed to a new threatening exposure to free speech on Twitter ever...
