Conor McGregor launches snake removal service in Ireland 
Subway hires Megan Rapinoe as Sandwich Artist after retiring from soccer 
BREAKING: All charges against George Santos dropped after he identifies as a Cherokee Indian veteran who slept with a Chinese spy 
BREAKING: Palestinians promise that 10% of the released hostages will go to the ‘Big Guy’ 
BREAKING: Irish PM vows to crack down on unhinged extremists who don’t want their children stabbed 
Around the World
Conor McGregor launches snake removal service in Ireland
DUBLIN—In a move that left the Irish countryside both bewildered and entertained, MMA legend Connor McGregor has expanded his repertoire beyond the octagon and into...
BREAKING: Irish PM vows to crack down on unhinged extremists who don’t want their children stabbed
DUBLIN—In a stunning display of political resolve, the Irish Prime Minister Leo Varadkar has announced a bold crackdown on what he terms "unhinged extremists" who...
If you don’t want your children stabbed, you’re probably a far-right extremist
I don't know who needs to hear this but if you don't want your kiddos gettin' poked with sharp stuff, you're a far-right extremist. Let...
BREAKING: Dems and Reps come together to ensure Americans will always have catastrophic debt
WASHINGTON - In an era of extreme polarization, many were happy to hear that Democrats and Republicans have finally come together in an unprecedented bipartisan...
Newsom gives Xi and Biden authentic San Fran experience during APEC, letting them poop on the sidewalk with homeless drug addicts
SAN FRANCISCO—Governor Gavin Newsom, worried that Chinese President Xi Jinping and U.S. President Joe Biden wouldn't get a taste of the real San Francisco in...
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle & Beauty
How to Know When Your HVAC System is About to Fail
Picture this: An artist paints on a canvas, the strokes and colors flowing seamlessly, capturing a beautiful landscape. You stand in awe, captivated by the...
EXCLUSIVE: Mike Johnson won Speakership by promising to ban AOC’s ‘pull my finger’ gag
Washington, D.C. - In a surprising turn of events, newly elected Speaker of the House Mike Johnson has made it abundantly clear that he's not...
Sacrifice a human and 7 more ways to celebrate Indigenous Peoples’ Day
Everyone knows that if you celebrate Columbus Day, you’re a Nazi bigot, so that’s why most woke cultures and municipalities will be celebrating Indigenous Peoples’...
Without government, who would pay for the money laundering to allow Olena Zelensky to spend $1 million on NY shopping spree?
In an age where fashion statements are made not only with words but with stunning jewelry, one cannot help but admire the ingenious utilization of...
Biden comforts California flood victims with harrowing tale of his overflowing toilet
In a heartwarming display of empathy and solidarity, President Biden visited flood-ravaged areas in California to comfort victims with a harrowing tale of his own...
Business News
Conor McGregor launches snake removal service in Ireland
DUBLIN—In a move that left the Irish countryside both bewildered and entertained, MMA legend Connor McGregor has expanded his repertoire beyond the octagon and into...
Subway hires Megan Rapinoe as Sandwich Artist after retiring from soccer
In an unexpected turn of events, soccer sensation Megan Rapinoe has found a new calling after what some are calling the "sub-optimal" end to her...
AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the day after Thanksgiving as "Black...
With Ukraine funding drying up, Biden picks up side job as the struggling guy in infomercials
WASHINGTON, DC—With the prospect of Ukrainian money laundering funds drying up, President* Joe Biden has taken up a side gig as the "struggling guy" in...
Getting Money Without a Job
In today's volatile job market, the landscape of employment is evolving rapidly. Layoffs have become all too common in industries such as tech, finance, and...
How to Know When Your HVAC System is About to Fail
Picture this: An artist paints on a canvas, the strokes and colors flowing seamlessly, capturing a beautiful landscape. You stand in awe, captivated by the...
Science Grid
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...
Spirit Halloween “Science” Costume
Unleash your inner genius and eccentricity with the Spirit Halloween "Science" costume, the perfect choice for Halloween or themed parties. This costume will transform you...
Brave local man cuts off his penis so that other men won’t rape people with theirs
SPRINGFIELD—A brave local man, Hugh Janus, has cut off his penis so that other men won't rape people. This follows a string of rapes by...
REPORT: New Study Finds Men Who Have Taken The Covid Vaccine May Not Be Able To Get Pregnant
San Francisco, CA - In a groundbreaking scientific discovery, a new study has shaken the foundations of biology as we know it. The research, which...
BREAKING: AOC forced to pay a carbon offset penalty for her livestream flatulent
WASSHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), often recognized for her passionate climate advocacy, has found herself in hot air - quite literally. AOC, as she's affectionately...
Biden offers ancient mummified dead aliens in Mexico free health care and $6,000 a month if they come to America
WASHINGTON, DC—In a move that has raised eyebrows across the galaxy, President* Joe Biden has announced an unprecedented immigration incentive program aimed at ancient mummified...
Featured Articles
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...
Elon Musk buys Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to fix their marriage
Elon Musk announced his most recent multi-billion dollar purchases: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. “I invested in the West-Kardashian marriage because I believe it is...
FBI says ‘the Big Guy’ in Hunter’s emails was comedian Louie Anderson not Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC--Emails by the Federal Bureau of Investigation reveal explicit conversations between Hunter Biden and the comedian, Louie Anderson they say closes the case on...
To prepare for war, Ukrainian troops undergo emergency Critical Race Theory training
UKRAINE—As the nation awaits a Russian invasion, military leaders ordered all soldiers receive last minute critical race theory lessons in preparation for battle. "The Russian...
AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’
Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop working because of the fascist mandates. But I'm not worried....
Health Grid
Biden: ‘Thanksgiving is cheaper this year thanks to our depopulation agenda’
In a surprising twist of holiday cheer, President Joe Biden has declared that Thanksgiving dinners are more affordable this year, all thanks to the government's...
Millions of Americans excited to host ‘mostly peaceful’ protests on Thanksgiving
SACRAMENTO—Following bans on gatherings for Thanksgiving in states across the country including California and New York, millions of Americans have decided to host 'mostly peaceful'...
Considering a Career in Allied Health? Here’s What You Need to Know
If you are here, it means you are looking to build your career as an allied health professional. And, if you are contemplating careers at...
Ohio officials warn pregnant women not to smoke their legal weed before getting a legal abortion because it may be harmful to the fetus
COLUMBUS, OH—Health officials in Ohio have warned pregnant women to avoid smoking their now-legal weed before getting a legal abortion because it may be harmful...
Ohio Planned Parenthoods offering free bag of weed with every abortion
COLUMBUS, OH—Taking advantage of Ohio's legalization of abortion and marijuana, Planned Parenthood is now offering a bag of weed with every abortion. Planned Parenthood Spokeswoman...
Brave local man cuts off his penis so that other men won’t rape people with theirs
SPRINGFIELD—A brave local man, Hugh Janus, has cut off his penis so that other men won't rape people. This follows a string of rapes by...
Religion
Education
Tech Talk
‘Everyone must use their real name online’ says the woman born with the name Nimrata Randhawa
In a bold move towards transparency and accountability, said former U.S. Ambassador to the United Nikki Haley, whose real name is Nimrata Randhawa. Randhawa has...
How to Know When Your HVAC System is About to Fail
Picture this: An artist paints on a canvas, the strokes and colors flowing seamlessly, capturing a beautiful landscape. You stand in awe, captivated by the...
History’s Most Infamous Zero-Day Exploits
A zero-day exploit is akin to a master thief discovering an unlocked door that no one knew existed. These exploits target vulnerabilities in software that...
BREAKING: White House testing Apple’s new iLeash to keep track of Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—In a groundbreaking move aimed at improving the efficiency of President* Biden's daily operations, the White House has announced plans to test Apple's latest...
Apple to Offer Customers iMortgages to Help Pay for New Vision Pro VR Headset
There are a few things in life that are guaranteed. The sun rises from the East daily, we all have to pay taxes, and tech...
Ben Shapiro Blasts Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez For Game Streaming On Saturday So He Can’t Comment On Her Performance
On Sunday morning, conservative podcast host Ben Shapiro ripped Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for game streaming on Saturday so he can’t criticize her performance. The Congresswoman...
