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Biden: ‘The true heroes of D-Day were the drag queens and trans activists’

In a stunning announcement, President Joe Biden has taken a bold step to reshape the historical narrative of World War II. During a recent speech...

BREAKING: Dems warn that if Trump’s elected, he may try to close the border and prevent WWIII

In a startling revelation, Democratic strategists are sounding the alarm, cautioning voters that if Donald Trump is reelected, he might prioritize closing the border over...

BREAKING: France eager to get into Ukraine-Russia war so that they can surrender to someone soon

PARIS—France has announced that it is eager to join the ongoing conflict between Ukraine and Russia, expressing a fervent desire to surrender to one side...

EXCLUSIVE: Lone Survivor of Iranian Helicopter Crash Tells Harrowing Tale

TEHRAN—Iranian helicopter pilot Hilla Reik Linton has emerged as the sole survivor of a catastrophic crash that left no other survivors. Despite being shaken by...

Millions saddened to hear that Klaus Schwab did not die

Millions of people around the world were saddened to hear the news that Klaus Schwab, the founder and executive chairman of the World Economic Forum,...

Lifestyle & Beauty

Biden pledges $300 million to rebuild the ‘sagging infrastructure’ of Maxine Waters’ face

President* Joe Biden has pledged $300 million to rebuild the "sagging infrastructure" of Congresswoman Maxine Waters' face, in an effort to address the urgent need...

First pile of feces who identifies as a beautiful woman is crowned Miss America

Chet, the first human turd who identified as a beautiful woman, has been crowned Miss America, in a groundbreaking and historic moment for the pageant...

Inflation forces annual Miss Alabama Competition & State Hot Dog Eating Contest to combine shows this year

President* Biden's inflationary policies have forced the annual Miss Alabama Competition and State Hot Dog Eating Contest to combine shows this year, in an effort...

BREAKING: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce announce they are pregnant with their first clump of cells

Pop star Taylor Swift and NFL player Travis Kelce have announced that they are pregnant with their first clump of cells, and that Kelce will...

PETA Braces for Busy Gerbil Sales Month

PETA has announced that it is bracing for a busy Gerbil Awareness Month campaign blitz, as the animal rights organization seeks to protect the furry...

Business News

Inflation forces annual Miss Alabama Competition & State Hot Dog Eating Contest to combine shows this year

President* Biden's inflationary policies have forced the annual Miss Alabama Competition and State Hot Dog Eating Contest to combine shows this year, in an effort...

PETA Braces for Busy Gerbil Sales Month

PETA has announced that it is bracing for a busy Gerbil Awareness Month campaign blitz, as the animal rights organization seeks to protect the furry...

WNBA Suspends Star Player Caitlyn Clark for Being Too White and Straight

INDIANAPOLIS—The Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA) has imposed sanctions on their most popular player, Caitlyn Clark, for the heinous crime of being too white and...

AOC: If socialism doesn’t work, how did I get filthy rich fighting income inequality?

As a proud advocate for socialism, I have been tirelessly fighting for income equality and a fairer distribution of wealth. And yet, despite the naysayers...

Embracing A Frugal Mindset

Mastering the Art of Frugal Living: A Path to Financial Freedom In a world that glorifies excess and consumption, embracing a frugal mindset can be...

Millions saddened to hear that Klaus Schwab did not die

Millions of people around the world were saddened to hear the news that Klaus Schwab, the founder and executive chairman of the World Economic Forum,...

Science Grid

EARTH DAY: Biden says it’s environmentally responsible to kill your girlfriend and compost her remains remains

WASHINGTON, DC—In a bizarre and unsettling Earth Day address, President Joe Biden urged Americans to take drastic action to reduce their carbon footprint: kill their...

Gavin Newsom threatens to blot out the sun again if we don’t sacrifice a million babies to climate goddess Greta Thunberg this year

SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom has issued an ultimatum to the world: sacrifice 1 million babies to climate goddess Greta Thunberg this year, or face the...

MTG: NYC earthquake caused by Jewish Space Lasers in retaliation for pro-Palestine protests

WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) has claimed that the recent earthquake that struck New York City was caused by "Jewish Space Lasers," a statement...

ACTUALLY: Cannibalism is the most eco-friendly diet and will save the planet

As a triple doctorate in Gender-Queer Wildebeest Grooming, Post-Colonial AI Prompt Engineering, and Post-Feminist Interpretive Dance Theory, I'm clearly the foremost expert on the question:...

Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years

A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...

Featured Articles

BREAKING: NFL Suspends Chiefs’ Kicker for Not Meeting League Minimum for Domestic Violence

The NFL has officially suspended Kansas City Chiefs' kicker, Harrison Butker, for his failure to meet the league minimum of domestic violence incidents. The league's...

Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years

A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...

AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’

Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop driving into New York City because of a corrupt court...

Elon Musk buys Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to fix their marriage

Elon Musk announced his most recent multi-billion dollar purchases: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. “I invested in the West-Kardashian marriage because I believe it is...

FBI says ‘the Big Guy’ in Hunter’s emails was comedian Louie Anderson not Joe Biden

WASHINGTON, DC--Emails by the Federal Bureau of Investigation reveal explicit conversations between Hunter Biden and the comedian, Louie Anderson they say closes the case on...

Health Grid

BREAKING: US nurses preparing for deadly bird flu epidemic by practicing nonstop on their TikTok dances

US—Health care professionals across the globe have been working overtime to prepare for the impending bird flu epidemic – not by studying medical journals or...

BREAKING: Wisconsin Gov signs into law allowing minors to chop off their arms if they identify as a T-Rex

MADISON, WI—In an unprecedented move that has sent shockwaves through the political and social landscape, Wisconsin Governor Tony Evers has signed into law a bill...

BREAKING: Keith Olbermann suffers rare TDS complication of urinating out of his eyes

NEW YORK—In a shocking development, renowned political commentator Keith Olbermann has been diagnosed with a rare and previously unheard-of complication of Trump derangement syndrome (TDS):...

Help Us Celebrate Women’s History Month with our ‘Best-Made Sandwich Contest’

This March, we at Genesius Times want to honor women's history like never before. We're going all out to celebrate the best that women have...

Anthony Fauci releases line of Valentines

No one can get enough of America's Doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci, especially on Valentine's Day. So, the good doctor has released his own line of...

BREAKING: John Bolton hospitalized with a prolonged erection caused by news of war with Iran

CNM News is reporting that former National Security Advisor to President Trump and lifetime hawk has been hospitalized with an unexpected erection that has lasted...

Tech Talk

Mark Zuckerberg unveils new upgraded skin that looks more human-like

Palo Alto, CA—In a bold move to boost investor confidence, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has debuted his latest innovation: a cutting-edge, human-like skin upgrade, complete...

BREAKING: Boeing jets come out as trans-safe: they are not safe but they ‘identify as safe’

SEATTLE—In a groundbreaking turn of events, Boeing has announced that their planes are now officially trans-safe. This comes as a shock to many, as the...

US workers ‘finally able to get some work done’ while Facebook was offline for 2 hours today

US—American workers experienced a surge in productivity not seen since the invention of the coffee break, as Facebook mysteriously went offline for a record-breaking 2...

Google admits its Gemini AI just takes its historical figures from Netflix films

In a stunning admission, Google has revealed that its highly touted Gemini AI, which generates lifelike images of historical figures, relies heavily on Netflix documentaries...

Taylor Swift takes private jet to get from one side of her private jet to the other

US—Pop sensation Taylor Swift has unveiled her revolutionary solution for in-flight convenience: taking a private jet to get from one side of her private jet...