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Modern-day Hanukkah miracle: Local man fills up car with enough oil to last 1 day, lasts 8 days

Local New York City resident Isaac Goldberg is very familiar with Hanukkah, having celebrated the holiday since he was a little boy. He still loves...

Walmart opens new ‘Loot!’ section in all of its San Francisco-area stores

UNITED STATES—Walmart CEO Dan McMillon announced today that Walmart will have a special looting section in all of its San Francisco-area stores. “We’ve seen the...

Amid inflation surge, Wheel of Fortune forced to raise price of vowels

Inflation has been hitting virtually every major sector of the economy – from gas at the pump, to food, to lumber. We’ve all felt the...

How to Get Over Hesitance of Giving Your Kids Deadly Drugs to Prevent Diseases that Don’t Harm them

We at Genesius Times care about your health. But we care about our bottom line more. That's why we're offering this official guide to overcoming...

CNN: Biden to ensure this supply chain stays open

WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden is working nonstop to combat the supply chain issues that President* Biden is creating. But he has ensured the American public that...

Gates warns he will release smallpox if people don’t get COVID vaccine

SEATTLE—Tech founder and worldwide supervillain Bill Gates says that he will release the deadliest disease known to man—smallpox—if people don’t get vaccinated for COVID-19. The threat comes...

Science Grid

Australians shocked to wake up in concentration camps after giving up their guns

DARWIN–Thousands of Australians were shocked to find themselves in concentration camps just a few short years after giving up their guns. On 16 June 2017,...

BREAKING: US proposes new lockdown to stop the Omicron variant

US—Citizens across the US proposed new lockdown measures in the face of the scary-sounding Omicron coronavirus variant. "It's pretty clear what we need to do...

BREAKING: Travel bans aren’t racist anymore

WASHINGTON, DC—Officials have declared that it is no longer racist to restrict travel from Africa after President* Joe Biden restricted travel for non-U.S. citizens from...

How to Get Over Hesitance of Giving Your Kids Deadly Drugs to Prevent Diseases that Don’t Harm them

We at Genesius Times care about your health. But we care about our bottom line more. That's why we're offering this official guide to overcoming...

Gates warns he will release smallpox if people don’t get COVID vaccine

SEATTLE—Tech founder and worldwide supervillain Bill Gates says that he will release the deadliest disease known to man—smallpox—if people don’t get vaccinated for COVID-19. The threat comes...

BREAKING: Pfizer releases new vaccine to protect against the side effects of its COVID vaccine

ATLANTA—Scientists are amazed by the quick development of yet another new vaccine under Project Warp Speed. The new vaccine developed by Pfizer protects against the...