Health

Sacrifice a human and 7 more ways to not be a bigot on Indigenous Peoples’ Day

Exavier Saskagoochie October 12, 2026 0

Everyone knows that if you celebrate Columbus Day, you're a Nazi bigot, so that's why most woke cultures and municipalities...

James Talarico Denies His Mental Breakdown Was Caused by His Monkeypox

Jeremy Spoken October 11, 2026 0

AUSTIN, Texas — U.S. Senate candidate James Talarico on Sunday rejected suggestions that a severe case of monkeypox had impaired...

Russian Health Minister Antonsky Fauchinsky Confirms Pneumonic Plague Originated Naturally in Bats Before Jumping to Humans

Uncle Paul's Parodies October 7, 2026 0

MOSCOW — Russian Health Minister Dr. Anton Fauchinsky confirmed Wednesday that the recent case of pneumonic plague almost certainly originated...

WOOPS: Plague Factory Worker Accidentally Starts Deadly Pandemic Right Before Midterms

Exavier Saskagoochie October 6, 2026 0

MOSCOW — A mid-level technician at the remote Siberian Strategic Pathogen Production Complex, more commonly known among staff as the...

Tennessee Hires Dr. Hillarsky Clintonsky to Finish the Job After Two Botched Lethal Injections

Exavier Saskagoochie October 2, 2026 0

NASHVILLE — Tennessee announced Friday that it had retained Dr. Hillarsky Cintosky to complete the execution of Christa Pike, left...

‘Trump Can’t Buy Me for $5,000,’ Says Local Man Who Got Experimental Jab for a Free Donut

Jeremy Spoken September 13, 2026 0

A local warehouse supervisor said Sunday that President Donald Trump’s proposed $5,000 “dividend,” conditioned on Republicans retaining Congress this fall,...

SHOCKER: Thousands of Mentally Ill Liberal Abortion Supporters on SSRIs Back Woman Who Strangled Her Three Kids

Exavier Saskagoochie August 19, 2026 0

BOSTON — Thousands of mentally ill liberal abortion-rights supporters who take selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors have publicly expressed sympathy for...