BREAKING: Senator Lindsey Graham hospitalized with prolonged erection after US bombs Iran
WASHINGTON, DC—Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was rushed to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center late last night after suffering what...
Health
BREAKING: Biden’s proctologist Hillarina Clintosky says he has aggressive form of prostate cancer
In a medical bombshell that’s sent shockwaves through the Beltway and X’s meme factories, President Joe Biden’s personal proctologist, Dr....
Hey RFK Jr., Hands Off! Why Poison in Our Food Is Actually Good
Listen up, America, because I’ve got a PhD in PhDs and a bone to pick with the anti-poison hysterics—namely, Robert...
BREAKING: NYPD Chief Turns into Zombie Following Bite From Democrat Councilwoman at Protest
Frank DiGiacomo, deputy chief of Patrol Brooklyn South, turned into a zombie after Councilwoman Susan Zhuang (D) bit him on...
Catholic Nuns Cure ADHD With Simple Life Hack
US—In a groundbreaking revelation that has left the scientific community red-faced and Catholic school alumni smirking, a coalition of nuns...
BREAKING: Trump derangement syndrome has mutated into deadlier variant Trump & Elon derangement syndrome
US—Scientists and social commentators alike are sounding the alarm as a new, more virulent strain of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS)...
AOC: ‘USAID money laundering protects us from all the germs on money’
Listen, I’ve been saying it for years: Money is disgusting. Like, scientifically, microbially, tuna-smelling disgusting. A single dollar bill can...
JUST IN: Brave young Democrat influencers cut off their testicles in protest of Trump
In an unprecedented display of political fervor, a group of young, progressive activists known as the "Brave Democrats" - comprised...
BREAKING: California rejects Oregon firefighters after their trucks fail smog check
LOS ANGELES—A battalion of Oregon firefighters, dispatched to aid in the massive California wildfire dubbed "The Charred Palisades," were sent...
Mystery Solved: Drones Only Orbiting Chris Christie They Mistook For Home Planet
TRENTON, NJ—In a revelation that has both amused and baffled New Jersey residents, government officials have finally cracked the case...
