Elon Musk secretly buys 51% of all passwords, will soon control internet
ZURICH—The GPO, Global Password Organization, announced on May 5th, World Password Day, that Elon Musk, the SpaceX and Tesla entrepreneur,...
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Biden declares war on the Ultra Mega Super Actors
Washington - President Joe Biden declared war on the Ultra-Mega Super Actors this morning. Calling them the most devastating legion...
BREAKING: Insurrections are okay now
WASHINGTON, DC—Insurrection is now okay, following the leaking of the Supreme Court decision that is poised to overturn Roe Versus...
Putin wins Nobel Peace Prize for painting ‘Black Lives Matter’ on his invading tanks
OSLO—The International Nobel Committee has awarded Vladimir Putin with the 2022 Nobel Peace Prize after it was discovered he's invading...
BREAKING: Justin Trudeau invades Poland
OTTAWA—Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has instructed the Canadian Royal Mounted Police to invade Poland, breaking several peacetime treaties. At 4:45...
Ukraine troops wash, wax, vacuum tanks; get ready for capture
UKRAINE—Major General Victor Nikolyuk, Northern Commander ordered all Ukrainian armored vehicles to be vacuumed and washed. “When the Russians capture...
Count Chocula endorses Gavin Newsom for 2024 presidential run
SACRAMENTO—Is Governor Gavin Newsom throwing his hat in the ring for the 2024 presidential election? We don’t know the answer...
BREAKING: AOC says she was ‘nearly murdered’ in Kazakhstan insurrection
WASHINGTON, DC--Almost a year after the War of January 6th to the date, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has issued a...
BREAKING: Dr. Fauci announces the Ermahgerd variant
WASHINGTON, DC—Dr. Anthony Fauci, leading US doctor of all things medical and sciencey has just announced a new horrible variant...
Twitter bans Twitter for allowing CDC tweets contradicting CDC
TWATVILLE, CA—Social media behemoth Twitter has been banned indefinitely from its own platform for violating its community standards of not...
