Millions of Children Become Hardened Capitalists After Hefty “Dad Tax” Imposed on Halloween Candy This Year
Millions of children became hardened as capitalists this weekend after their fathers collected a portion of their Halloween candy under...
Culture
Ilhan Omar Comes Out as a Transgender Lesbian to Complete LGBTQ+ Representation with Her Gay Brother-Husband
MINNEAPOLIS — In a carefully worded statement released Thursday, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) announced that she is transgender, a development...
Normal white guy wins “scariest” Halloween costume contest without costume
A normal white guy won the annual Halloween costume contest at the University of Madison Wisconsin's Union over the weekend...
Local Dad Yells ‘They Can Take Our Lives but They Can Never Take Our Freedom!’ Before Removing Splinter
A local father shouted a line from Braveheart on Wednesday immediately before removing a splinter from his toe. The splinter...
Hillary Clinton to dress up as president for 10th straight Halloween
CHAPPAQUA, NY—Secretary Hillary Clinton has decided she will dress up as president of the United States for the 10th straight...
Ilhan Omar Launches New Dating App: Incestry.Com
WASHINGTON, Oct. 26 — Rep. Ilhan Omar has announced the launch of a new dating platform, Incestry.com, which she described...
Biblical Scholars Now Conclude Eve Answered “Not to My Knowledge” When Asked About the Fruit
Scholars reviewing early textual traditions now conclude that Eve responded “not to my knowledge” when asked whether she had eaten...
Ilhan Omar Comes Out of Hiding for an Appearance on Jerry Springer
CHICAGO — Rep. Ilhan Omar participated in a taping of the Jerry Springer show on Friday. The episode is scheduled...
French Officials Unable to Determine Who Surrenders First in Ongoing Unrest
PARIS — French authorities said they have been unable to establish which side yields first when rioters and government officials...
Clever Wife Finds Twentieth New Place to Hide the Car Keys This Month
A local woman has located a new spot for the car keys, marking the twentieth such discovery this month. The...
