Bill Gates releases Windows OS for humans: ‘MonkeySoft’ Vista
SEATTLE—While Bill Gates officially has left the Windows board to focus on bioterrorism, he has returned briefly for a release...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: AOC confirms her longtime boyfriend is pregnant with her child
WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is putting the unconfirmed reports about her love life to rest. In an exclusive interview with...
Elongate: SpaceX employee complains about Elon Musk’s huge rocket
AUSTIN—A former SpaceX employee is complaining about CEO Elon Musk's huge rocket in a scandal that has been dubbed "Elongate"....
Jimmy Kimmel credits being vaxxed and boosted for getting COVID 2 times in a month instead of 3
HOLLYWOOD—Legacy late night television star Jimmy Kimmel continues to test positive for COVID-19. Earlier this month, the 54-year-old late-night talk show host...
Buffalo shooting is NY’s worst mass murder since Cuomo killed 15k nursing home patients in 2020
BUFFALO—New York is grieving and they are scared after 10 people - now named by officials - were gunned down...
STUNNING: Chet and Jabba the Hutt cover SI 2022 swimsuit issue
US—Chet and Jabba the Hutt have reached new career peaks: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue cover star. "It's hard to even...
On first day, new Biden Press Secretary answers ‘Because I’m a black lesbian’ to every question
WASHINGTON, DC—In response to every question about the economy to the war in Ukraine, the new White House Press Secretary...
Amid shortage, US infants identifying as illegal immigrants to get baby formula from Biden
Springfield—American infants from San Diego to Sheboygan are identifying as illegal immigrants in order to get hard-to-come-by baby formula shipped...
