M&M’s releases new woke M&LGBTQIAM’s
HACKETSTOWN, NJ—M&M's chocolate candy is going woke with new, inclusive M&LGBTQIAM's with a unique filling: actual sh*t. Mars Wrigley Group,...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider buying him a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Biden taps Chelsea Clinton in top admin role
WASHINGTON, DC—Chelsea Clinton is moving up in the world. Not only is she the first openly trans daughter of a...
Newsom tackles LA train looting crisis by making cute little BLM sculpture from leftover trash
LOS ANGELES—California Governor Gavin Newsom turned lemons into lemonade today by creating a fun little "Black Lives Matter" sculpture out...
Democrats to use filibuster to keep Republicans from blocking Democrats from killing the filibuster
WASHINGTON, DC—In a clever move, Senate Democrats are planning to use the filibuster to keep Republicans from blocking the Democrats...
BREAKING: Virginia’s new governor supports full facial nudity at schools
RICHMOND, VA—Virginia's new Republican governor, Glenn Youngkin, supports full facial nudity at schools from Kindergarten up to high school, according...
Virginia’s new governor recklessly allows children to breathe freely all day
(CNN) We knew it would be bad, but we didn't know it would be this bad. Virginia's new Republican Governor...
Biden changes name to Emperor Palbiden, establishes Galactic Empire
WASHINGTON, DC—In a rare press conference, President* Biden said that he has officially changed his name to Emperor Palbiden and...
Greta Thunberg screams at Tonga volcano recklessly violating climate change regulation
TONGA—Just a day after Time Magazine named her "Person of the Year," Greta Thunberg was fighting climate change, this time...
Biden deploys 2 AT-ATs to defend White House against ‘rebel scum’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has deployed two All Terrain Armored Transport (AT-AT) vehicles to the White House to defend against "rebel...
BREAKING: Supreme Court rules the Constitution doesn’t apply to nurses
US—The US Supreme Court had ruled that the Constitution doesn't apply to healthcare workers and that nurses and physicians can...
