Democrats Move Swiftly to Rename Geographic Features Following Congressional Gains
WASHINGTON — In the hours after securing control of key congressional chambers, Democratic leadership announced the first wave of what...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Russell Brand Converts to Islam; All Charges Dropped
LONDON — British comedian and commentator Russell Brand formally converted to Islam on Thursday, after which prosecutors announced that every...
Michigan to Require All Women Wear Burqas for their Annual Mandatory Abortions Starting in 2027
LANSING, Mich. — In a strictly partisan measure passed by Democratic lawmakers and signed into law Thursday by Democratic Governor...
The Two Bobs Chat with the Company AI Liaison
In what company spokespeople described as a “routine alignment session,” Initech’s long-tenured efficiency consultants—known internally only as Bob and Bob—met...
BREAKING: Dark Anakin Skywalker Rockets to Lead of 2028 Republican Presidential Candidates Poll
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Dark Anakin Skywalker has surged to the top of the Republican presidential field following the party’s disappointing...
Ocasio-Cortez announces bill to make electoral college tuition-free
The new face of the Democrat party and the youngest person ever elected to the House of Representatives, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez,...
Data Centers Being Converted to Somali Learing Centers Across America Following Democratic Victory
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what administration officials are calling a major step toward fulfilling the Democratic Party's post-election vision, several...
GOP Relieved to Lose Power So They Can Get Back to Talking About What They’d Do If They Had Power
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican lawmakers expressed a sense of relief Wednesday following their party's apparent loss of congressional power, welcoming...
BREAKING: Midterm Blue Wave Spotted at This Construction Site
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what may be the first tangible evidence of a Democratic blue wave on Election Day, a...
James Talarico Declines to Say Whether Allah Is Non-Binary Also
AUSTIN — U.S. Senate candidate James Talarico declined Tuesday to state whether Allah is non-binary like the Christian God is,...
