NFL Teams Lining Up to Draft The Cornell 7
ITHACA, N.Y. — Cornell University announced Thursday that seven of its students had been selected in the NFL Draft, a...
Sports
WNBA Bans All Fans From Games After One Pointed at A’ja Wilson
In a decisive move to protect the integrity of the game, the Women’s National Basketball Association announced Wednesday that all...
Cleveland Retires ‘Racist’ Browns Name; Changes to Cleveland Turds
CLEVELAND — The National Football League has granted the Cleveland Browns permission to place a brown turd emoji on both...
Female Athletes Outraged That Sydney Sweeney Is Sexualizing Sports
Female athletes across the country have issued a stern warning to actress Sydney Sweeney: sports are no place for the...
NCAA Rules Michigan May Keep Playing Until They Win
INDIANAPOLIS — In an unprecedented act of sportsmanship, the NCAA announced Thursday that all University of Michigan athletic teams will...
Local Wife Poised to Win Husband’s Fantasy Football League Again After Making Zero Moves All Season
US—A local woman is once again the early favorite to win her husband’s 12-team fantasy football league, according to last...
Travis Kelce first NFL player to miss opener because he’s pregnant
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Travis Kelce will miss the Chiefs’ season opener after team physicians confirmed he is pregnant, making...
Woke Nike Execs Hold Screaming Session to Determine Why Their Stock is Plummeting
BEAVERTON, Ore. — A group of Nike executives left campus Monday for a wooded offsite, wearing coordinated yoga pants, to...
50-Year-Old Peyton Manning Commits to LSU from Transfer Portal
BATON ROUGE, La. — In a move that has sent shockwaves through the college football landscape, former NFL quarterback Peyton...
WNBA Bans All Biologists From Arenas During Games
In a move described by league officials as necessary to protect player safety and “lived experience,” the Women’s National Basketball...
