Nick Saban urges Congress to save college football by returning to paying players under the table
WASHINGTON—In a marathon Senate Judiciary Committee hearing Tuesday, legendary former coach Nick Saban urged lawmakers to save the sport he...
Sports
NFL suspends Jaxson Dart for introducing Trump instead of beating his wife like a good NFL player
NEW YORK — The National Football League announced Tuesday that rookie quarterback Jaxson Dart has been suspended indefinitely after video...
Groundbreaking AI Study Resolves MJ vs. LeBron GOAT Debate with Empirical Simulation
Abstract Researchers at the Institute for Objective Athletic Evaluation uploaded every available statistic, play-by-play log, game film, and biomechanical dataset...
NBA Unveils Most Valuable Flopper Trophy for Western Conference Semifinals Winner
NEW YORK — The National Basketball Association announced Tuesday the creation of the Most Valuable Flopper Award, to be presented...
Kentucky Derby winner declines White House invitation: ‘If I wanted to see a horse’s ass I would’ve come in second’
Jerry Jabba Jr., jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying, "If I...
Chicago Bulls Fire Jaden Ivey for Failing to Meet NBA Minimum on Baby Mamas and Cocaine Usage
Chicago, IL — In a stunning move that has sent shockwaves through the league, the Chicago Bulls announced Tuesday the...
Protestant quarterback doesn’t throw the ball because his faith alone is enough to win
In a stunning display of doctrinal consistency that left analysts scratching their helmets, Protestant quarterback Caleb Sola of the Reformation...
Carney orders all Canadian flags to fly at half-mast after hockey team loses to US in Olympic final
Ottawa – In a somber address from Rideau Hall this afternoon, Prime Minister Mark Carney directed that all Canadian flags...
US Women’s Team Takes Olympic Gold in Virtue Signaling
MILAN—In a display of unparalleled moral fortitude and respiratory caution, the United States Women's National Team secured the gold medal...
Bad Bunny to sacrifice 2 goats in ‘epic’ Super Baal Halftime show
In a groundbreaking move set to redefine both entertainment and animal husbandry, Puerto Rican superstar Bad Bunny has confirmed plans...
