Ilhan Omar’s Brother-Husband Is Decorated World War 11 Veteran and Hero
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left historians, basic mathematicians, and anyone capable of counting past ten utterly baffled,...
Politics
Federal Judge Overturns American Revolution, Orders States Returned to United Kingdom
WASHINGTON — In a landmark 87-page ruling Tuesday morning, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole declared the Declaration of Independence “constitutionally...
Trump replies to Comey’s ‘8647’ seashell post with ‘FAFO’ seashell post after Comey is indicted
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left political observers reaching for their maritime dictionaries, former FBI Director James Comey...
AOC Expresses Profound Relief After Ilhan Omar Claims ‘Dumbest Person in Congress’ Title
WASHINGTON — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) held a brief press availability Tuesday morning to announce that she is “finally at...
CNN Panel: “Why is Everyone Trying to Kill Hitler?”
WASHINGTON — In the immediate aftermath of a disrupted incident at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner, CNN moved swiftly...
Study Finds There Are 11 Types of People in this World: Those who Understand Roman Numerals and Ilhan Omar
WASHINGTON — In a breakthrough that scholars are calling “both mathematically dubious and emotionally consistent,” a new report released Tuesday...
“No Kings” crowd gives King Charles standing ovation
WASHINGTON — In a display of ideological flexibility that surprised no one, members of the “No Kings” movement rose to...
Stormtroopers Now Recruiting US Secret Service Agents After They Fail to Hit Would-Be Assassins Routh and Allen in 10 Shots
CORUSCANT — In a surprising move, the Galactic Empire announced today that it is actively recruiting members of the United...
Ilhan Omar Panics Over Missing 4pm Meeting, Because It’s ‘Already One Thousand One Hundred and Eleven O’Clock!’
Washington, D.C. — Representative Ilhan Omar (D-MN) expressed growing concern Tuesday afternoon after glancing at a conference room clock and...
Someone from the “Hate Has No Home Here” crowd just tried to kill another person again
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another masterclass in non-violence and empathy, 31-year-old California teacher and engineer Cole Tomas Allen joined...