BREAKING: Zuckerberg sponsoring Area 51 raid to free his dad from captivity

Much hype has been made of the storming of Area 51: more than a half-million strangers will gather in a remote Nevada town in mid-September, united by a common goal. Less attention has been paid to the financial sponsor of the project: Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg.

The social media titan has been funneling money into the project since the beginning after other attempts to gain access to the facility has failed.

Most people already know that Zuckerberg is a mixed species android with little to no empathy. What Genesius Times investigative reporters have discovered is that Zuckerberg’s alien android dad Data is still alive and resides somewhere in Area 51.

“This is big news,” Bobby Mulligan said of the finding. “I always knew there was aliens in there. I seen unidentified flying UFOs all the time at my house in Rockland after drinking with the boys. Now I know we’ll get to see one.”

Zuckerberg has been silent on the matter though he did hiss at one reporter who asked him about the connection.

Some are claiming that the raid was the entire purpose of Zuckerberg creating Facebook in order to identify enough people throughout the world crazy enough to participate in the raid.