Democrats praise Biden for not dying during State of the Union address

WASHINGTON, DC—Without much to celebrate, Democrats turned to the old failsafe of the president not dying during the speech as something to cheer.

“I gotta be honest, Biden sounded like a complete moron—calling Ukrainians Iranians, mumbling and stuttering. But hey, at least he didn’t die,” Senate majority Leader Chuck Schumer said.

The new Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy agreed.

“He finished several sentences and that beat my expectation. I don’t know about you,” McCarthy said.

Other reviews have been pouring in:

“Stunning performance!”

“Amazing!”

“I could understand several words! It was awesome!”

Biden gave the entire speech without his interpreter Ozzy Osbourne.

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