BREAKING: Hantavirus Kills Two in Meth Lab Explosion
BAKERSFIELD, CA — Health officials confirmed Wednesday that hantavirus was responsible for the deaths of two individuals following an apparent...
Jeremy Spoken
None of the snowflakes in an avalanche feels responsible.
Democratic lawmakers are furious that they have to follow laws
RICHMOND, Va. — Democratic leaders in Virginia voiced profound disappointment Tuesday following a state Supreme Court ruling that struck down...
Cinco de Mayo: Celebrating The Three Brave Americans Who Defeated El Guapo at the Battle of Santa Poco to give Mexico its Independence
SANTA POCO, MEXICO — As the world prepares to consume record amounts of guacamole and lime-flavored malt beverages, historians are...
Ilhan Omar’s Brother-Husband Is Decorated World War 11 Veteran and Hero
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left historians, basic mathematicians, and anyone capable of counting past ten utterly baffled,...
Federal Judge Overturns American Revolution, Orders States Returned to United Kingdom
WASHINGTON — In a landmark 87-page ruling Tuesday morning, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole declared the Declaration of Independence “constitutionally...
Trump replies to Comey’s ‘8647’ seashell post with ‘FAFO’ seashell post after Comey is indicted
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left political observers reaching for their maritime dictionaries, former FBI Director James Comey...
“No Kings” crowd gives King Charles standing ovation
WASHINGTON — In a display of ideological flexibility that surprised no one, members of the “No Kings” movement rose to...
Someone from the “Hate Has No Home Here” crowd just tried to kill another person again
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another masterclass in non-violence and empathy, 31-year-old California teacher and engineer Cole Tomas Allen joined...
Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg Files Charges Against Trump for Surviving Another Assassination Attempt
NEW YORK — Following the Biden DOJ's lead and citing a “clear pattern of evading accountability,” Manhattan District Attorney Alvin...
Stephen Colbert becomes neo-Nazi to garner funds from Southern Poverty Law Center
NEW YORK, NY — In a bold and deeply confusing pivot widely described as “either performance art or a cry...
