OPINION: Bronze-Aged bigot loses head over traditional marriage

Today marks the feast of John the Baptist on the Patriarchal calendar of the Catholic church. John, among other weird habits, ate locusts and honey, wore camel hair shirts, and dunked people underwater for no apparent reason.

A strange dude no doubt. But where he starts letting his bigotry show is when he gives King Herod—not King Henry VIII—a hard time for divorcing one woman and marrying another. I mean who is this bigot and why doesn’t he mind his own business? Marriage is love and if you love 2 women the you should marry them, and if it doesn’t work out you should marry the next person who makes you feel happy.

I just don’t understand why these folks have to force their beliefs on everybody. If you think marriage can only exist between a man and a woman, and that it is indissoluble then keep your white supremacist opinions to your bigoted self. This is simple enough.

So today I will not celebrate the birth of that weirdo, hairshirt wearing, water dunking man, but that of King Herod who shone a bright light on the patriarchal inclinations of the earliest Christians. He used his power to defend the right to marry whomever he wanted whenever he wished, and when that locust eating bigot tried to force his views on the king, Herod had his head lopped off. A just punishment for a man who wouldn’t mind his own business if you ask me.

So today let us, instead of listening to those loser Catholics, remember the earliest supporter of abortion rights and marriage equality: King Herod a champion of equal rights.