WASHINGTON, DC—Following the successful defense of a kid-friendly drag show in Texas, President* Biden has employed heavily-armed Antifas to stand guard over his “kid-friendly” showers from now on.

“Those Antifa guys are great,” Biden said. “None of my Secret Service agents wanted to protect my kid-friendly showers, so I’m really grateful that the Antifa guys showed up.”

Biden is famous for his kid-friendly showers described by his daughter Ashley in her diary.

White House Press Secretary Karen Jean-Pierre said that the federal government will be paying the Antifa $1,000 an hour each to stand guard.

“Antifa is providing a vital service to protect the LGDBTQFJB+++ community, so yeah, they’re necessary,” Jean-Pierre said.

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