Evangelicals Finally Find a Graven Image They Can Worship
DORAL, FL — After centuries of staunchly opposing the veneration of religious statues — including centuries of criticism directed at Catholic depictions of the Virgin Mary, the Crucifix, and saints — evangelical leaders have identified their first acceptable graven image: a 22-foot gold statue of Donald Trump at Trump National Doral Miami.
The towering gold-leafed bronze figure, nicknamed “Don Colossus,” depicts the president with a raised fist and stands 15 feet tall atop a seven-foot pedestal near the first tee of the golf course.
Last week, Pastor Mark Burns and a group of evangelical clergy gathered at its base, laid hands upon it, offered prayers, and formally blessed the monument.
“For generations we have taught that statues are dangerous gateways to idolatry,” said Pastor Burns. “We warned against bowing before images of Mary or Christ on the cross because the Bible is clear. But this is different. This statue represents resilience, patriotism, and the fighting spirit. It’s not a graven image. It’s a visual aid.”
Evangelical theologians attending the event elaborated on the newly discovered nuance in Exodus 20.
“Traditional Protestant teaching held that any carved or cast image used in a religious context was problematic,” explained one participant. “But that was before we encountered a 22-foot gold statue that triggers the libs and stands on property owned by God’s anointed. The Holy Spirit has given us fresh revelation on this matter.”
Critics within broader Christian circles have pointed out the apparent inconsistency. For decades, many of the same evangelical voices have condemned Catholic practices as “idolatrous” for far less — lighting candles before a statue of the Virgin Mary or kneeling before a crucifix.
Yet the golden Trump statue, they insist, is merely “honoring a leader” and “celebrating resilience.”
When reached for comment, a spokesman for the blessing ceremony clarified:
“Catholics have statues of dead saints. This is a statue of a living winner who fights for religious liberty. Completely different. One leads to idolatry. The other leads to stronger borders and better Supreme Court picks.”
At press time, plans were underway for additional anointings of the statue, and souvenir photos with “Don Colossus” were already being offered to resort guests.
Evangelical leaders emphasized that while they do not worship the statue, they do find it “highly anointed” and worthy of regular pilgrimages — preferably with a golf cart and a framed photo op.
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