In a brave interview, ever popular freshman US Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has defended her demand of a pay raise on top of her $174,000 annual salary in order to avoid having to sell influence in order to get by financially.

“Like, if we don’t get more money in order to figure out how to spend other people’s money then I’m going to have to sell my votes to the highest corporate bidder. I mean how else am I supposed to pay for my Neiman Marxist lifestyle? I need a lot of money!”

“It’s like totally natural that we’re allowed to vote ourselves a pay raise because we’re in charge–I’m the boss after all. Basically, we’re already extorting money, so count this as a tip. Like if we don’t extort more money from you, we’re going to have take money from lobbyists for votes.”

“It’s not like the best optics, but it’s how it is because we have way too much power.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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