WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has allayed all fears of global thermonuclear war by posting “Nuke Free Zone” signs all over the country.

The move comes days after Biden warned of a potential nuclear “Armageddon”.

BREAKING

Biden swiftly solves nuclear crisis by declaring thousands of “Nuke Free Zones” around the country pic.twitter.com/ur9Lae582k

— News That Matters (@ThatmattersNews) October 7, 2022

“I feel much safer now as I see these ‘Nuke Free Zone’ signs around town,” New York resident Tony Tone Toni said. “I was worried Biden was going to get us all nuked but now I know the signs are protecting us.”

Speaking at a Democratic fundraiser this week, Biden talked bluntly about the threat of a nuclear attack from Russia. “We have not faced the prospect of Armageddon since Kennedy and the Cuban missile crisis,” Biden said.

“The president is doing everything he can to protect the people of the United States from a nuclear holocaust including posting several thousands signs and signing an executive order prohibiting nuclear explosions inside the country,” White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said.

_{Originally published October 10, 2022.}

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