WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented move, President* Joe Biden has unilaterally annexed Ukraine and made it the 51st state of the United States in order to expedite a war with Russia and start World War III.

“We’re sick and tired of waiting for World War III to start,” Biden said through a translator. “Look, you’re either with us or against us. And now Ukraine is us, so we’re going to go to war with Russia.”

Typically, there is a process for admission to the Union according to the Admissions Clause of the United States Constitution in Article IV, Section 3, Clause 1, which authorizes the United States Congress to admit new states into the Union beyond the thirteen states that already existed when the Constitution came into effect.

But Biden has waived that clause, “because we’re in a time of war because Ukraine is at war, and Ukraine is now a state, so we’re at war.”

Biden has assured us that his predecessor Donald Trump started the war and he’s just finishing it.

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