BREAKING: In response to Biden’s illegal business deal with China, DOJ to arrest Donald Trump
WASHINGTON, DC—In response to new revelations of illegal business dealings with China, The Department of Justice have issued an arrest...
Joe Biden
Brave local man cuts off his penis so that other men won’t rape people with theirs
SPRINGFIELD—A brave local man, Hugh Janus, has cut off his penis so that other men won't rape people. This follows...
Biden to burn $100 bills at fireside chats to lower energy costs
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has announced that he will begin burning $100 bills in his fireside chats as a way...
How to get that perfect selfie during the coming global thermonuclear war
In the age of social media, getting the perfect selfie has become a top priority for many people. But what...
BREAKING: President Biden Accidentally Locks Himself in Oval Office, Can’t Find Key
WASHINGTON, DC—CNN reports that President Biden accidentally locked himself in the Oval Office and couldn’t remember where he put the...
Jimmy Carter asks Joe Biden to give his eulogy as the only president who can make him look good by comparison
PLAINS, Georgia—Former President Jimmy Carter has reportedly asked President Joe Biden to give his eulogy, citing Biden's ability to make...
BREAKING: President Biden Sells White House for $400 Million to Fund War in Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has officially sold the White House for $400 million to continue funding the war in Ukraine. DC...
BREAKING: Biden makes Monopoly money legal tender to pay for $6.8 trillion budget
In a shocking move, President Biden has announced that Monopoly money will now be considered legal tender in the United...
Anti-war Democrats excited for Biden to start WWIII
WASHINGTON – In a rare show of bipartisanship, the top anti-war liberals joined with blood-thirsty Republicans to celebrate President* Joe...
BREAKING: Biden announces 2024 campaign for president of Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking announcement today, President Joe Biden declared that he will be running for the presidency of Ukraine...
