In a startling revelation, Democratic strategists are sounding the alarm, cautioning voters that if Donald Trump is reelected, he might prioritize closing the border over participating in the much-anticipated World War III.

“We can’t afford to let Trump’s ‘America First’ agenda stand in the way of our global ambitions,” exclaimed one Democratic official, juggling a crystal ball, a world map, and a copy of the latest issue of Global Conspiracies Monthly. “Closing the border might prevent us from being at the forefront of the next world conflict. We have to think big!”

The warning comes as a response to Trump’s past rhetoric on border security, with Democrats fearing that his reelection could lead to an unfortunate series of events, such as a safer nation and fewer unauthorized entries. “It’s a dangerous path,” the official added. “What if peace breaks out, and we miss it because we’re too busy securing our borders?”

The Democrats are reportedly working on a counter-campaign, urging voters to prioritize the potential global chaos that World War III might bring over the more mundane concerns of border security and domestic stability. “Why settle for peace and prosperity when you can have geopolitical turmoil and uncertainty?” mused a Democratic strategist, twirling a metaphorical mustache.

Trump supporters, however, argue that a secure border and national stability should be paramount. “Call us old-fashioned, but we think the safety and well-being of our citizens are pretty important,” said one Trump enthusiast, waving an American flag that may or may not have been manufactured in China.

As the election season unfolds, voters are left to ponder whether they should cast their ballots for a potential return to a more stable America or risk missing out on the thrilling chaos of an impending global conflict. Decisions, decisions.

_{Originally published February 5, 2024.}

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