BREAKING: Kamala Harris fires her speechwriter Jar Jar Binks
Washington, D.C. — In a surprising shake-up within the Harris-Walz 2024 campaign, Vice President Kamala Harris has officially parted ways with her long-time speechwriter, the beloved Gungan from Naboo, Jar Jar Binks.
The campaign’s decision to bring on Binks was originally seen as a bold, if controversial, move. Harris hoped his playful yet incoherent style would resonate with voters who enjoy hearing words that sound important but make no sense. However, insiders say the experiment has backfired spectacularly.
According to campaign sources, things came to a head during Harris’s most recent public appearance, where she delivered a baffling speech on infrastructure:
“Meesa say, the roads are like da freedom! But also, meesa think if da bridge fall down, dat mean we buildin’ unity! Heehee, muy muy progress!”
The speech immediately went viral, but not in the way the campaign had hoped. “We knew Kamala’s speeches were often hard to follow, but Jar Jar just… took it to another level,” said one frustrated staffer. “He made word salad look like Shakespeare.”
Harris Defends the Decision
During an impromptu press conference, Harris addressed the firing. “Look, when we talk about firing Jar Jar, we have to acknowledge the importance of, um, moving forward. And moving forward means, uh… look, folks, it’s about what we do next. Which is now. And that’s where we are.”
She also added, “Meesa grateful for his service,” before catching herself and quickly pivoting to talk about wind energy.
Binks Responds
In an exclusive interview with CNN, Jar Jar Binks expressed disappointment about the termination but said he understood the challenges of the campaign.
“Meesa only tryin’ to help Kamala connect with da people! But meesa think maybe da voters not ready for such big thinkin’,” Binks said, visibly emotional. He also hinted at future plans: “Maybe I run for Senate! Meesa think me could do good, yah?”
The Fallout
Political analysts suggest the firing could be a strategic move to course-correct the campaign as Harris continues to struggle in polls. Still, many supporters are concerned that Binks’s departure may leave a gaping hole in the campaign’s messaging.
“I’m not saying Jar Jar was the best speechwriter,” said one volunteer, “but at least his gibberish sounded optimistic. Kamala’s kind of feels like an existential crisis in slow motion.”
Meanwhile, the Republican National Committee released a statement expressing their disappointment: “We were really looking forward to seeing where the Binks-Harris collaboration would take us.”
As of press time, rumors were circulating that Harris is already courting Yoda for the now-vacant speechwriter role. But sources close to the wise Jedi say negotiations are stalled due to “philosophical differences” over sentence structure.
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