BREAKING: White smoke indicates New York City has a new mayor
NEW YORK—In a stunning turn of events that left New Yorkers equal parts confused and oddly proud, white smoke billowed...
Month: June 2025
Federal Judge orders Trump to put $100 million in swear jar after he drops the f-bomb on reporter
WASHINGTON, DC—In a courtroom spectacle that could double as a stand-up comedy special, Federal Judge Hugh Jassole has ordered President...
BREAKING: Trump assures supporters that America always comes first right after Israel
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a thunderous Rose Garden address, President Donald Trump unveiled his boldest move yet: bombing Iran to “Make Israel...
BREAKING: Federal Judge Hugh Jassole orders Trump to rebuild Iranian nuclear sites
In a ruling that has left legal scholars, political analysts, and late-night comedians scratching their heads, Federal Judge Hugh Jassole...
Nation celebrates Juneteenth when the government freed slaves from the plantation and made them slaves to the state
US—Americans across the country came together on June 19th to celebrate the momentous occasion of Juneteenth - the day when...
Walmart pulls Fried Chicken & Watermelon ‘Juneteenth’ ice cream after backlash
LOS ANGELES—Walmart has apologized for the Juneteenth items that its selling at its stores, specifically the Watermelon & Fried Chicken...
WNBA installs new mid-court wrestling ring to help players pummel Caitlin Clark
The WNBA has unveiled a regulation wrestling ring at center court for all games, designed explicitly to let players “pummel”...
BREAKING: Iran reveals ‘historic surprise’ is actually just a nation-wide kebab festival starting today
After last night’s cryptic vow of a “surprise the world will remember for centuries,” Iran revealed today that the big...
BREAKING: Judge Boasberg Declares War On Iran; Sends US Troops In
In a stunning display of judicial overreach, U.S. District Court Judge James E. Boasberg has declared war on Iran, overturning...
Democrats take a break from worshipping a fentanyl-addict as a god to say they don’t want a king
Democrats have briefly stepped away from their hallowed George Floyd shrines—complete with votive candles and murals of dubious artistic merit—to...
