BREAKING: Omnibus spending bill includes $74 million green T-shirt budget for Zelensky

US—Congress is poised to pass an historic omnibus spending bill with $1.7 Trillion in new debt.

While people like Senator Rand Paul warned against the bill as abhorrent, he clearly didn’t know all the humanitarian line items that are in the bill.

For instance, the omnibus bill includes $74 million for green T-shirts for Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

“How else are we supposed to fight off the great evil of Russia without dressing Zelensky in those impressive war zone chic T-shirts?” Paul’s Kentucky Senate Counterpart Mitch McConnell said.

“It would be fiscally immoral to vote this bill down,” McConnell said. “Without those green shirts, we’d have to look at Zelensky’s muscular, hairy chest. And I for one wouldn’t like to do that anymore.”

Other humanitarian line items in the omnibus bill include:

  • $1 billion for the Wuhan Lab of Virology to combat hate over its biological weapons program
  • $666 million to pay for Epstein Island
  • $4 billion for Paul Pelosi’s private security while he’s on future Grindr dates

close

"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.