In a seismic shakeup that’s rattling both geologists and late-night comedians, President Donald J. Trump announced today his plan to rename California’s infamous San Andreas Fault to “Joe Biden’s Fault.” The executive order, signed with a gold-plated Sharpie during a Mar-a-Lago press conference, aims to “correct the record” on what Trump claims is a natural disaster caused by his predecessor’s “disastrous policies.”

“Nobody knows faults better than me, folks. Tremendous faults. The San Andreas? It’s a mess. A total disaster. And who’s to blame? Sleepy Joe Biden. That’s why we’re calling it Joe Biden’s Fault from now on. Believe me, it’s perfect,” Trump declared to a crowd of cheering supporters, many waving “Make Tectonics Great Again” signs.

The announcement comes amid Trump’s second term, where he’s wasted no time reshaping America’s landscape—literally. Sources close to the administration say the rename is part of a broader initiative to rebrand natural phenomena after political rivals. Rumors swirl that Hurricane Katrina could soon be dubbed “Hillary’s Hurricane” and the Grand Canyon might become “Kamala’s Crevasse.”

Geologists, however, are less than thrilled. Dr. Lucy Tremor, a seismologist at Caltech, called the move “a tectonic travesty.” “The San Andreas Fault is a 750-mile-long plate boundary formed over millions of years, not a political talking point. Naming it after Biden is like renaming gravity ‘Elon’s Ego.’ It’s absurd,” she said, before muttering something about needing a stiff drink.

The White House claims the rename will “boost tourism” and “remind Americans who’s really at fault for everything.” A glossy promotional campaign is already in the works, featuring slogans like “Visit Joe Biden’s Fault: Where the Earth Moves, Thanks to Joe!” and limited-edition MAGA hard hats for fault-line hikers. Trump also teased a new reality show, Fault Line Fiasco, where contestants compete to “fix Biden’s mess” with sledgehammers and positive thinking.

Democrats were quick to respond. Former President Joe Biden, reached for comment at his Delaware beach house, chuckled and said, “C’mon, man. If I had that kinda power, I’d make my ice cream cones never melt. Fault? That’s malarkey!” Vice President Kamala Harris, meanwhile, took to X to post a cryptic “It’s true!”

Social media erupted, with #JoeBidensFault trending worldwide. X users flooded the platform with memes, including one viral image of a crack in the ground captioned, “When Biden’s policies hit California.” Another user quipped, “Trump’s gonna build a wall across the fault and make the tectonic plates pay for it.”

The rename has sparked logistical concerns. The U.S. Geological Survey estimates updating maps, textbooks, and road signs could cost taxpayers $47 million. When asked about the price tag, Trump waved it off, saying, “Worth every penny. We’ll make Mexico pay for it. Or maybe Newsom. Gavin’s got the cash.”

Environmentalists worry the rebrand could distract from real issues, like earthquake preparedness. “Californians need stronger buildings and emergency plans, not a political stunt,” said Sierra Club spokesperson Emma Quake. “The fault doesn’t care what you call it—it’s still gonna rumble.”

Undeterred, Trump hinted at more geological overhauls. “We’re looking at Mount Rushmore. Great mountain, but it’s missing something. Maybe my face. Or we rename it Mount Trumpmore. People are saying it’s the best idea, folks.”

As the nation braces for aftershocks—both literal and political—California Governor Gavin Newsom vowed to fight the rename in court. “The San Andreas Fault is a natural wonder, not a MAGA branding opportunity. We’ll see Trump in court, unless the ground swallows us first,” he said.

For now, the San Andreas—or Joe Biden’s Fault—remains unmoved, much like the partisan divide. As one X user put it: “The only thing faultier than Biden’s policies is Trump’s grasp of plate tectonics.”

About Author