Congress passes bill to enslave everyone today to pay reparations for slavery 200 years ago

WASHINGTON DC—Congress has passed a bill to enslave all current living Americans to pay $6.2 quadrillion to descendants of slaves from 200 years ago.

The call for reparations to the nation’s 41 million Black Americans has renewed amid racial injustice protests across the country. Presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden has not fully committed reparations but has said, “poor kids deserve just as much money as white kids.”

The reparations will be paid to all Americans of African descent regardless of their anscestors’ role in slavery as in Kamala Harris’s slave-owning ancestors.

President Trump says that he is skeptical of the plan but, “if I approve reparations, they’re going to be the most beautiful reparations you’ve ever seen—bigger than life.”

Bill co-sponsor Sheila Jackson Lee said, “Slavery is the leading cause of forced labor in the United States and I plan on changing that by making it the number one cause.”

Skeptics have expressed concern over the idea of enslaving everyone now to pay for slavery in the past.

“If slavery is bad, why would we create more slavery to make up for past slavery?” Jerry Jabba of Nantucket asked. Jabba was imprisoned after asking his question.