Democrats disappointed to discover they can’t fill up their grocery carts or gas tanks with ‘joy’
Washington, D.C. – Millions of Democrats across the nation have been left disappointed and, in some cases, outright bewildered, upon discovering that they cannot fill up their grocery carts or gas tanks with “joy”—particularly the joy that’s really thinly veiled hatred for the man they love to despise: Donald J. Trump.
“I was sure I could make it through this economic downturn on sheer joy alone,” lamented Karen Libberall, a dedicated resistance warrior from Seattle. “Every time I think about how much I loathe Trump, it fills me with this amazing sense of purpose and satisfaction. But when I tried to pay for my organic, gluten-free groceries with that feeling, the cashier just stared at me like I was crazy. Then she called security.”
Libberall is not alone in her dismay. Across the country, reports are flooding in of similar incidents. Enthusiastic social justice warriors, armed with nothing but their righteous anger and Twitter accounts, have been turning up at gas stations and grocery stores, only to be met with the cold, hard reality that hatred for the Orange Man, no matter how fervent, cannot be used as currency.
“I thought my joy—er, I mean, my disdain for Trump—would be enough to fuel my Prius for weeks,” said Hugh Jassole, a Portland resident and proud owner of a ‘Not My President’ bumper sticker collection. “But the pump just kept demanding money, and I didn’t have any left after buying those commemorative ‘Indict Trump Again’ pins. Now I’m stuck walking to my next protest.”
Democratic leaders have scrambled to address the issue, with many expressing their own shock and disbelief. “We’ve been telling our constituents for years that the joy of hating Trump was enough to get by,” said Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a self-proclaimed expert on both economics and feelings. “But it turns out that the crushing joy of defeating Orange Man Bad doesn’t actually translate into purchasing power. Who knew?”
In a desperate attempt to resolve the crisis, several high-profile Democrats have proposed emergency legislation to make “Joy Over Trump’s Misfortunes” a federally recognized form of currency. The proposed bill, however, has already faced stiff opposition from Republicans, who insist that actual money, goods, and services should be used in transactions—“as they have been since the dawn of civilization.”
Meanwhile, economists have weighed in on the phenomenon, suggesting that the joy-hate exchange rate might not be as favorable as once thought. “Hate can be a powerful motivator,” said Dr. Polly Anna, a professor of Emotional Economics. “But it turns out, it doesn’t have much value outside of a Twitter echo chamber.”
As grocery shelves remain unfilled and gas tanks run dry, Democrats are left with a difficult choice: learn to love the mundane realities of everyday life, or continue to fume at the former president while accepting the fact that, no matter how deep their loathing, it won’t pay the bills.
For now, the nation’s supermarkets and gas stations remain filled with the disheartened sighs of those who have yet to discover that joy, even the kind fueled by hatred, just doesn’t cut it in the real world.
About Author
