WASHINGTON, DC–In a dramatic press conference held in the shadow of the Capitol, Democratic leaders have issued a dire warning to the nation: “If Trump closes our USAID money laundering operation, we might as well kiss future elections goodbye!” exclaimed Senator Chuck Schumer, his voice echoing with the gravity of a doomsday prophet.

According to insiders, President Trump has been eyeing USAID (U.S. Agency for International Development) with suspicion, not for its humanitarian efforts but for what he claims is an elaborate scheme to funnel taxpayer dollars into Democratic campaign coffers. “They’ve turned aid into a piggy bank,” Trump tweeted, alongside a photoshopped image of Uncle Sam wearing a burglar’s mask.

Nancy Pelosi, in a rare moment of candor, admitted, “We’ve been using USAID to fund our campaigns since the invention of the wheel. If that goes, what’s next? No more ‘accidental’ overpayments to our friends’ NGOs?” She then chuckled, but the laughter had an edge of panic.

The operation, as described by anonymous sources within the Democratic party, involves sending aid to countries, which then magically finds its way back into the pockets of campaign donors or directly into campaign funds through a series of shell companies named things like “Global Helping Hands Inc.” or “World Peace Through Democracy LLC.”

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, in a passionate speech that was almost entirely in hashtags, tweeted, “#SaveUSAID #DemocracyAtStake #NoMoreElectionsWithoutLaundering.” Her tweet was accompanied by a video of her dramatically shredding a piece of paper, which many assumed was either a budget or a list of offshore accounts.

Republicans, meanwhile, have been quick to jump on this revelation. “We knew it!” exclaimed Mitch McConnell, profusely sweating. “This explains why they’ve been so desperate to keep USAID funded. It’s not about helping the world; it’s about helping themselves!”

Political analysts are having a field day. “This is unprecedented,” said Dr. Polly Tician from the University of Political Science Fiction. “The Democrats are essentially admitting that without this ‘operation,’ their campaign machinery might grind to a halt. It’s like watching a political soap opera where the villain accidentally confesses to the crime in public.”

In response, the Democratic National Committee has launched a new fundraising campaign titled, “Save Our Democracy, Keep Our Laundry Clean.” The campaign promises donors that for every dollar given, they’ll ensure “humanitarian aid” reaches the right hands – presumably, back into American politics.

As for Trump, he’s reportedly considering turning USAID into “Trump Aid,” a new initiative where aid would be given based on countries’ willingness to host Trump-branded hotels. “Why give money when you can give luxury?” he pondered aloud, while signing executive orders with a pen that has his name in gold.

The American public, caught between laughter and cynicism, is left to wonder: Is this the end of an era or just the beginning of a new, more transparent chapter in political fundraising? Only time, and perhaps the next election, will tell.

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