Failed Senate candidate ‘Beto’ launches presidential ‘Beta’ campaign

If at first you don’t succeed, try failing again. That’s the unofficial motto for the Robert O’Rourke presidential campaign after the stunning Senate race failure in which he spent tens of millions of New York and Los Angeles dollars to be soundly defeated by Ted Cruz.

“I’m used to losing,” O’Rourke—who prefers to be called “Beta” now—said. “So, I thought I would just lose bigger next time.”

His campaign will surely get a lot of attention and funding since he’s pushing a new brand of political ideology, what his team calls “soycialism”.

“It’s like socialism in every respect, but it’s less manly,” Beta said. “We’ll totally be sending people off to the Gulag, but we’re going to apologize for it while we’re doing it.”

Analysts are saying that the limp-wristed campaign could generate $1 billion before it’s over.

“We offer a clear alternative to the powerful, alpha-male Trump character that so many women and fellow beta-males find off-putting. Call it a kinder, gentler authoritarianism.”