US—Millions of fetuses across the United States have reportedly begun identifying as members of the notorious MS-13 gang, hoping to leverage Democratic Party sympathies for undocumented immigrants and marginalized groups to secure their own right to life. The unprecedented prenatal power move has left political strategists, activists, and ultrasound technicians scrambling to make sense of the situation.

“We’re not just clumps of cells anymore—we’re mara salvatrucha, baby!” declared one particularly outspoken fetus in a statement transmitted via Morse code through its mother’s belly. “If Democrats are willing to fight for gang members’ rights at the border, they’ve got to fight for us too. We’re the ultimate oppressed minority: no voice, no vote, and no Wi-Fi!”

The fetuses’ strategy appears to be rooted in a keen understanding of political optics. By claiming MS-13 membership, they aim to reframe the abortion debate as a matter of social justice, banking on Democrats’ reluctance to appear “anti-immigrant” or “anti-gang rehabilitation.” Early reports suggest the plan is working, with progressive activists already organizing “Womb Sanctuary” rallies to protect what they’re calling “the most vulnerable members of the MS-13 community.”

“This is a game-changer,” said Democratic strategist Marla Jenkins, nervously adjusting her “Defund the Police” pin. “If these fetuses are MS-13, then terminating them could be seen as xenophobic state violence. We’re drafting legislation to grant them asylum status in utero as we speak.”

Conservatives, meanwhile, are delighted by the chaos but wary of the implications. “Look, we’re thrilled the fetuses are finally getting some traction,” said GOP Senator Chuck Bronson. “But MS-13? That’s a tough sell. I mean, are we supposed to baptize them with tattoos and machetes now?”

The fetuses’ gambit has also sparked heated debates within feminist circles. Some argue that the move is a brilliant subversion of patriarchal structures, while others call it “problematic appropriation” of gang culture. “These fetuses need to check their privilege,” tweeted activist

@WokeWombWarrior. “They can’t just claim MS-13 status without living the struggle. Where’s their face tattoo? Where’s their rap sheet?”

Medical professionals are equally confounded. Dr. Susan Carter, an OB-GYN in Austin, reported that her latest ultrasound revealed a fetus flashing gang signs. “I thought it was just a thumb-suck at first, but then it threw up a clear ‘M’ with its tiny fingers,” she said. “I don’t know whether to call a priest or ICE.”

The fetuses have also begun coordinating their efforts through an underground network dubbed “Operation Mara Maternidad.” Sources claim they’re using amniotic fluid vibrations to spread their message, with some even demanding voter registration forms and tiny leather vests. “We’re not asking for much,” said another fetus, who identified itself only as “Lil’ Trigger.” “Just let us be born, give us a shot at parole, and maybe some of those sweet DACA benefits.”

As the nation grapples with this prenatal uprising, political analysts predict a seismic shift in the 2026 midterms. Polls show 62% of Democrats now support “fetal gang member amnesty,” while 78% of Republicans are pushing for “womb deportation” to unspecified locations. President Elon Musk, fresh off his third Twitter acquisition, weighed in with a characteristically cryptic post: “Fetuses in gangs? Wild. Maybe they can colonize Mars. #YOLO.”

For now, the fetuses remain undeterred, with plans to escalate their campaign by claiming affiliations with other controversial groups, including the Proud Boys and the cast of Jersey Shore. As one fetus put it, “We’ll do whatever it takes to get these liberals to stan for us. Snooki 2028, anyone?”

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