Following successful Pride Month, lazy Americans name July Sloth Month

After what some commentators are calling “the gayest month ever”, advocates around the country are hoping to promote their own immorality with a month dedicated to the other deadly sins.

July will officially be “Sloth Month” so that all the lazy slackers around the world can feel good about themselves.

The sponsor of Sloth Month, Lazy Grumpy Bemoaning Torpor (LGBT for short) was elated by the news. “Finally, like, you know, lazy people will stop being demonized and we’ll have the same, you know, rights as everyone else,” a spokesman said, really slowly.

“People and companies will be forced to change their logos to a picture of a sloth with sunglasses and a bong. How dope is that?”

August will be Envy Month, September will be Lust Month, October will be Wrath Month, and November will be Gluttony Month so that people won’t be so ashamed when they overdose on pumpkin pie. December will be Avarice Month, where instead of giving gifts you actually steal from people.

And don’t worry, once they’ve run out of mortal sins, they’ll continue with other heinous things to celebrate. January will be “Kicking Puppies Month” and February will be “Knock a Kid’s Ice Cream Over Month” so that people can really enjoy the gamut of being awful.

Pride Month representatives are supportive of the new months. “We’ve really turned the tables,” said Flamer Happysacks. “Why should we be ashamed of who we are even if we’re really depraved and degenerate? Judging people is the only real sin.”

When asked whether he feared that corporations were turning our vices into a product line and degrading society to the worst possible level, Happysacks just shrugged.

“Love is love, even when it means beating each other up during Wrath Month,” Happysacks said.


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