Governor’s Wife to Go By “First Seal” not “First Lady” in Nod to Gender Equality and the End of the World

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Jennifer Siebel Newsom, the life partner of California’s newly inaugurated governor, Gavin Newsom, says she’s nixing the traditional title of “First Lady” in favor of “First Seal”, which she feels is a more inclusive label and also more indicative of the pending end of the world.

“Calling a governor’s wife ‘First Lady’ is limiting and demeaning,” Siebel Newsom said. “As progressive parents, we let our children choose which gender they want to be—why shouldn’t heads of state have the choice too?”

The title change is just the latest bold statement made by a woman who has spent her whole life fighting for gender equality and bringing about Armageddon.

In the Book of Revelation, the Seven Seals are symbolic thresholds that, once opened, will bring about the Second Coming of Jesus and the End of the World.

In the Christian tradition, the First Seal introduces the Antichrist, riding a white horse of peace, but holding a bow which indicates his true intentions “as a conqueror bent on conquest”.

The media have long fawned over the incredibly far-left Newsom family since the governor’s stint as San Francisco Mayor, possibly due to their Ken and Barbie good looks and their constant promotion of anti-traditional ideas.

“I love them so much,” one supporter cheered. “They’re so beautiful and blond, just like the all-American family!” she said just before the governor announced policies that would absolutely destroy the all-American family.




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