HEARTFELT: Kamala’s Nieces Help DNC Pronounce Names of All the Black Prisoners She Kept for Labor

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what is being hailed as a touching moment of family unity and political correctness, Kamala Harris’s nieces have stepped in to assist the Democratic National Committee (DNC) with the delicate task of pronouncing the names of the Black prisoners she kept for labor during her time as California’s Attorney General.

As the DNC prepared to release a statement acknowledging Harris’s “commitment to justice reform” and her “unwavering dedication to maintaining a robust prison labor force,” there was concern over how to correctly pronounce the names of the thousands of inmates who were kept behind bars past their release dates. Enter Kamala’s nieces, whose impeccable pronunciation skills saved the day.

“We really wanted to make sure we honored these individuals,” said DNC spokesperson Ima Wokeface. “It’s important that we show the public just how much we care about the Black community—even those who were used as, well, let’s call them ‘contributors’ to our state’s economy. Kamala’s nieces did a wonderful job guiding us through the process.”

The nieces, who have become a staple at DNC events, painstakingly worked through a list of names as the committee practiced their pronunciations. “It’s not just about saying the names right,” said Kamala’s niece, Shaniqua Harris. “It’s about respecting their heritage and making sure that, even if they were exploited, their identity is fully recognized by the party that put them to work.”

In a heartwarming moment during the live-streamed rehearsal, DNC Chairperson Don Keigh was heard asking for help with a particularly difficult name. “Can we get a phonetic spelling for this one? I don’t want to mess it up and offend anyone—again.”

The DNC has assured the public that this effort is part of their broader campaign to show that they’ve “always been on the right side of history, even when it was the wrong side, but for the right reasons.”

Kamala Harris, who is currently on the campaign trail touting her criminal justice reform platform, was deeply moved by the support from her nieces. “It’s moments like this that remind me why I do what I do,” she said in a statement. “To see my family involved in this important work, ensuring that we pronounce these names correctly—it’s just beautiful. Now, let’s continue building a system that works for everyone, especially those who are working for us.”

The DNC’s statement is expected to be released alongside a new initiative: the “Say Their Names, But Quietly” campaign, which aims to further acknowledge the role of prison labor in government projects while also emphasizing that sometimes, tough decisions need to be made for the greater good.

As the nation continues to grapple with the legacy of Harris’s tenure as AG, the DNC is confident that their meticulous attention to the details—like proper name pronunciation—will demonstrate their genuine commitment to the communities they claim to serve.