WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold and refreshingly honest campaign speech, Vice President Kamala Harris has officially asked voters to give her another chance—so she can finally accomplish all the things she hasn’t done while holding one of the highest offices in the land.

“I know I’ve been in office for a while now, and sure, I could’ve done a lot more,” Harris admitted to a crowd of enthusiastic supporters. “You see, I’ve only been the president of vice as ‘vice president’. But I’d like to be president of everything so I can actually do things.”

Harris, known for her signature laugh, chuckled as she listed off some of the initiatives she plans to tackle in her second go-round, if given the chance. “I mean, think about all the great ideas I’ve had but didn’t follow through on! Imagine what I could not do with four more years!”

The Vice President’s speech was met with applause from the crowd, who seemed to appreciate her newfound candidness. “She’s so relatable,” said one supporter. “We all have those things we say we’re going to do but never actually get done. Kamala’s just like us!”

In her speech, Harris outlined a comprehensive list of promises she’s made in the past that she vows to really get to this time around. “I’ll finally address the border, fix healthcare, and tackle student loan debt. I mean it this time!” Harris said with a wink.

Critics were quick to pounce on Harris’s unconventional approach. “This is just more of the same empty promises,” said a spokesperson for the opposition. “She’s asking for a do-over for a job she hasn’t even started.”

But Harris brushed off the naysayers. “Look, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I can’t be expected to solve all the world’s problems in just a few years,” she said. “Give me another term, and I promise to make a to-do list. And maybe even check something off!”

In closing, Harris urged voters to remember that everyone deserves a second chance. “Just think of this election as one big mulligan,” she said with a grin. “Let’s do this right—again!”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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