NY’s Cuomo unable to remove mysterious red stains from hands

For a week, New York’s Governor Andrew Cuomo has been dealing with a mysterious red stain on his hands. The stain seems to be impossible to remove and is causing problems in the Governor’s mansion.

“Out damned spot! Out I say!” Cuomo has been heard repeating over and over again. “What? Will these hands ne’er been clean?”

The stains appeared shortly after Cuomo signed the Reproductive Health Act, championed by the New York Legislature as a boon to women’s rights.

The bill allows for abortions up to birth. In addition, the new law removes protections for babies born alive after an abortion — meaning they could be left to die after birth.

“All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand,” Cuomo yelled at the top of his voice in the Capitol Rotunda, shaking his hand to the sky.

After seeing multiple doctors, one told him bluntly, “More needs he the divine than a physician. God forgive us all!”