US—A new Pew Pew Institute poll shows the socialist concept of cancelling student debt promoted by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren is gaining popularity, especially among students and graduates with absolutely worthless degrees.

“I have a Trans-Siberian Aquamarine Gender Studies degree,” said Bella Folorn, who uses the ‘they’, ‘their’, and ‘aquaman’ pronouns. “And I can’t seem to find a job to pay off my $120,000 education, so yeah I think we should cancel all student debt.”

Many see education as a right—even education for absolutely insane degrees as Intersectional Diabetes Management and Postmodern Marxism in Patriarchal Scandinavia.

“I suppose everyone who wants to keep us enslaved to the money changers just wants a completely illiterate populace, huh?” Folorn said.

The push comes at a time when employers are finding many college degrees to not be worth the paper they are printed on. Many college graduates lack writing, critical thinking, and general social skills.

“But, yeah, my education should be free! millionaires should have to pay for it!” Folorn added.

_{Originally published June 30, 2019}

Exavier Saskagoochie

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