“Raw milk should be illegal” say students chowing down on street meat

As the Trump administration rolls back FDA regulations, millennial voters are becoming increasingly concerned with the impact less government intervention will have on their daily lives.

Our journalists recently interviewed two college student activists, Jasper McGill and Melanie Coronada, discussing the necessity of strict food industry regulations while ordering from a local halal cart in Manhattan.

“Stuff like raw milk is awful for you. It should totally be illegal,” states Coronada. “Without regulation, they could put all kinds of garbage in your food and you wouldn’t even know it! People are so dumb. They don’t even think about what they’re putting in their bodies.”

Coronada proceeded to call out to the cook wiping his hands on his filthy smock. “Put plenty of white sauce on my lamb over rice, please!” Addressing McGill, she states, “I don’t know what’s in that stuff, but it tastes amazing.”

“I’m just happy to support minority-owned businesses, even if they claim their health inspector grade hasn’t come in the mail yet,” says McGill. “I trust them.”

After the interview concluded, the students remarked how excited they were about “Four Twenty” being only two months away. April 20th is an unofficial holiday where marijuana users mass purchase drugs from unlicensed vendors for consumption.

“I’m so mad my old dealer got arrested,” McGill told our journalists. “What gives cops the right to tell me what I can put in my body? He seemed sketchy, but the poor guy only looked that way because of his prescription painkiller addiction.”

“The FDA ought to step in so guys like him don’t end up ruining their lives. It’s for their own good,” concluded Coronada.


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