Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have discovered a troubling correlation between CVS receipts and the ongoing deforestation of the planet.
“We wanted to see if the ridiculously long CVS receipts had a direct relationship with the tree population of North America,” researcher assistant Bernie Wingut said. “Our findings shocked us to the core.”
Three trees die every time a CVS receipt is printed.
Representatives for CVS have not responded. Apparently the headquarters has been buried under a mountain of decaying receipts.