Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus
Washington, D.C. – In a surprising twist to his final days as Transportation Secretary, Pete Buttigieg announced a groundbreaking—some would...
Year: 2024
BREAKING: Biden Sneaks in Pardon for Hunter During Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony
Washington, D.C. – The annual Thanksgiving turkey pardon at the White House took an unexpected turn today when President Joe...
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me
When I first joined X (formerly Twitter), it was a safe haven for people like me—progressive, open-minded, and wholly committed...
Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government
NEW YORK — A piece of conceptual art consisting of a simple banana, duct-taped to a wall, sold for $6.2...
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign
Jaguar has introduced a new car designed specifically to match its groundbreaking gay ad campaign: the Dildo-Mobile. During a press...
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions
As a woman who has been sexually assaulted by whoever Trump appoints to any cabinet position, I feel it is...
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies
NEW YORK—In a move that sent shockwaves through both tech and media industries, Elon Musk has announced his acquisition of...
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine
President John F. Kennedy was reportedly startled by loud noises and tripped, falling in his limousine during a motorcade through...
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas
On this day in 1963, the nation collectively held its breath as President John F. Kennedy embarked on what would...
Elon Musk needs to stop doing amazing things because it’s making us gender studies triple-doctorates feel worthless
As three esteemed gender studies triple-doctorates, we feel it is our duty to speak out against the incredible accomplishments of...
