Congratulations to Portugal and Spain on accidentally achieving net zero before 2050
Lisbon/Madrid, April 29, 2025 – In a plot twist that has left climate scientists dumbfounded, tech bros unemployed, and candle...
Year: 2025
Cleveland Browns draft wife-beater Kilmar Garcia for roster depth
CLEVELAND, OH – In a move that has left NFL fans simultaneously stunned and oddly unsurprised, the Cleveland Browns used...
College grad shocked to learn that ‘all that debt literally had to be paid back at some point’
Denison, OH—Recent college grad, Anita Lawyer, said she was surprised when her mom and dad informed her that the $226,000...
Hey RFK Jr., Hands Off! Why Poison in Our Food Is Actually Good
Listen up, America, because I’ve got a PhD in PhDs and a bone to pick with the anti-poison hysterics—namely, Robert...
Millions of new tariff experts unsure how to pay off their student loan debt
As America’s tariff wars reshape the global economy, a vocal army of self-styled “tariff experts”—ordinary folks with strong opinions and...
Climate activists protest Elon Musk by sending ‘NO DOGE’ smoke signals up from burning Tesla batteries
In a surreal twist of environmental activism, a group of climate warriors calling themselves "GreenSmoke Revolution" staged a fiery protest...
AOC: Only Illegal Immigrants Should Get Due Process Because they Broke the Law to be Here So Clearly They Really Want It
America, it’s time to shake up this tired “due process for all” nonsense. The Constitution’s cute and all, but let’s...
BREAKING: Katy Perry declares herself pope after reading the Bible for 11 minutes
In a stunning turn of events that has left the Catholic Church reeling and Twitter ablaze, pop superstar Katy Perry...
BREAKING: NYPD Chief Turns into Zombie Following Bite From Democrat Councilwoman at Protest
Frank DiGiacomo, deputy chief of Patrol Brooklyn South, turned into a zombie after Councilwoman Susan Zhuang (D) bit him on...
Fetuses identifying as MS-13 gang members to get Democrats to start fighting for their rights
US—Millions of fetuses across the United States have reportedly begun identifying as members of the notorious MS-13 gang, hoping to...
