Trade war escalates: Trump slaps 125% tariff on all of Eric Swalwell’s Chinese spy lovers
Washington, D.C. – The U.S.-China trade war reached a fever pitch this week as President Donald Trump announced a staggering...
Year: 2025
Trump Ends U.S.-China Trade War with Bombshell Swap: Hong Kong for Portland, Oregon
Washington, D.C. – In a move that has left global leaders scratching their heads and cartographers reaching for their erasers,...
BREAKING: Tariff War Sends Prices of Chinese Rubber Dog Sh*t Soaring
Hong Kong – In a bizarre twist to the ongoing U.S.-China tariff war, the cost of flights carrying rubber dog...
Local man dies from plume of neighbor’s disgusting new perfume
Evergreen Meadows, Suburbia – In a tragic yet fragrant turn of events, local man Carl Jenkins, 52, was pronounced dead...
Senators advised not to wear their Qipaos while speaking about China tariffs
Washington, D.C. – The Senate chamber turned into a sartorial circus this week as senators were cautioned against wearing qipaos...
BREAKING: Amy Coney Barrett gets face tattoos in solidarity with MS-13 gang members
Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett debuted an audacious new style this week: a full array of face tattoos inked...
Local dad makes sure kids don’t waste pennies leaving lights on so he can waste thousands in crypto
In the quaint suburban town of Evergreen Meadows, local dad Greg Thompson has elevated frugality to a performance art—provided it’s...
BREAKING: People who want to tax cow farts are upset about Trump’s tariffs
WASHINGTON, DC—Green New Deal Democrats are reportedly fuming over President Trump’s latest tariff announcements—not because of trade imbalances or economic...
Dems who haven’t met a tax they didn’t love now worried about tariffs
For all of modern history, Democrats have had one consistent trait: they haven't really cared if the government makes things...
BRILLIANT: Tesla unveils ‘Original’ and ‘Extra Crispy’ models
AUSTIN—In a move that’s equal parts genius and gloriously unhinged, Elon Musk has once again turned disaster into dollar signs,...
