Gen Z Olympics: Dutch Unknown Casually Scrolls Past Germany to Win Inaugural 200 m Doomscroll Gold
PARIS (GT) – In a result that has left German sports psychologists quietly scheduling emergency sessions, an unheralded 23-year-old from...
Year: 2025
BREAKING: Keir Starmer orders arrest of everyone who says the UK doesn’t have free speech
UK—UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has announced a sweeping new policy to “defend the sacred principle of free speech” by...
97% of climate scientists agree that we only have 18 months to save their jobs
An international body of nearly 100 climate scientists convened by the United Nations have issued a stern warning to the...
AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the...
Cooking with Communism: Thanksgiving Special with AOC
Cooking with Communism: Thanksgiving Special – “A Seat at the Empty Table” Comrade AOC is back in the people’s kitchen...
If You Don’t Want to Be Set on Fire While Sleeping on a Train by a Repeat Offender, You’re Probably a Racist Bigot
In these enlightened times, it's become increasingly clear that personal safety is a luxury reserved for the privileged few who...
Federal Judge Blocks Trump’s Turkey Pardon, Orders Him to “Personally Slaughter the Bird Live on Television”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning rebuke of long-standing holiday tradition, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole issued an emergency ruling...
Congress To Fix Nation By Working Almost 100 Days Next Year
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold display of legislative masochism, House Minority Leader Steve Scalise proudly unveiled the 2026 Congressional...
Bondi Vows to ‘Fully Honor’ Epstein File Transparency by Ensuring Zero Arrests from Released Documents
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move hailed by legal scholars as “the most transparent non-prosecution in American history,” Attorney General...
Michigan Bans ‘Assault Bacon’ Following Dearborn Melee
LANSING, MI – In a bold move to protect public safety and promote interfaith harmony, Governor Gretchen Whitmer signed an...
